A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Daughter Refuses to see me

  • MRSWAS
  • MRSWAS's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360773 by MRSWAS
Topic started by MRSWAS
Hello Everyone,

I am hoping someone can offer me some good advice as I am so confused.

I got divorced from my daughters mother 10 years ago and it was agreed upon finalization that I could have unlimited access to my daughter. This has worked really well up until April this year when my 12 year old quite out of the blue said she never wanted to see me or her grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins again. She followed this up with many, many texts calling me all sorts of horrific names and swearing at me. She also started missing a lot of school at this point to, which has since improved after I contacted and had a meeting with her head mistress.

My ex is very unhelpful and will not speak to me by phone, will not do email and ignores most of my letters. She stated in the one I have received that if my daughter doesn''t want to see me or her family then that is that and she will not try to find out why? I have tried mediation, but my ex ignored all attempts at this and they closed the file and issued me with an FM1 form to take to court if I so wish.

My main question is where do i stand in law? My daughter is 12 and says the law is on her side and she will not be made to have any contact. Is this so? Can i not ask the court to get to the bottom of this dysfunctional behaviour and hopefully get her on the right road to having a healthy relationship with myself and her family? Or am I just wasting my time because or her age? If so, any ideas?

Any help would be gratefully accepted.

Thanks

MRSWAS

  • disneybunny
  • disneybunny's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360778 by disneybunny
Reply from disneybunny
Teenage hormones. You could go to court to force contact but given her age they might not push it. Plus forcing her could backfire. 12 is still young but in her mind it isn''t if that makes sense, she is too big to be physically moved to contact but too young to understandlongterm implication of cutting everyone off. What you need to do is leave the door open for her to come and go as she pleases till this phae passe

  • MRSWAS
  • MRSWAS's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360786 by MRSWAS
Reply from MRSWAS
I''m not sure the court forcing contact would be the righ thng eitheras she could just sit and sulk all through contact or refuse to come and see me and her family.

I want to know what has bought this very hostile behaviour on more than anything, but when my ex ignores all attempts at mediation it is difficult.

I have written to my daughter telling her how much she is still welcomed, loved and missed, but she just text me telling me to keep it and F**k off.

My heart is so heavy with it all.

  • disneybunny
  • disneybunny's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360791 by disneybunny
Reply from disneybunny
Teenagers are selfish creatures, it is entirely possible you have done nothing wrong. The only real solution is to keep trying, it may or may not work but as long as te door stays open there is hope.

  • confused 101
  • confused 101's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360792 by confused 101
Reply from confused 101
I''m so sorry, that must be awful.

My elder daughter goes through phases of not seeing her father, but she is very eloquent when it comes to telling him exactly why! so he isn''t left in this limbo like you are.

Girls this age love a drama. they sit round at school saying how horrible and unfair life is even when it isn''t and they don''t really think it is either - but much cooler to say it is.

I would see if the school has a counselling service available to students and ask that she be offered this service. She may resist and not go, especially if she thinks you are behind it, so if they are willing I would ask them to keep your name out of it.

Other than that I would write again, tell her that you are so sorry she doesn''t want to see you, that you would really want to know the reason why - WHEN she is happy to tell you. Offer for her to write or see another family member if she would rather. Other than that repeat that you will always love her and always want to have her in your life. Tell her also that you will write to her once a month - and DO do it. after a couple of months tell her you would like to write more often - see what her response is. Don''t be put off with "leave me alone" etc. Don''t however continually ask her to see you, but let her know how much you would have enjoyed having her attend what ever outing or event you went to. children this age love to establish their own "rights" and you don''t want her backed into a corner she then can''t loose face to get out of.

I hope you either find out why and can put anything right, or she comes out of this in time herself.

  • MRSWAS
  • MRSWAS's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360793 by MRSWAS
Reply from MRSWAS
I did try the school counselling service as her head mistress suggested it. However, my daughter and ex wife have to agree to it too and both refused.

The school said they can help no more as she is attending school. They suggested the Courts and seeing if CAFCASS can get to the bottom of it?

  • GETTING STRONGER NOW
  • GETTING STRONGER NOW's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Oct 12 #360795 by GETTING STRONGER NOW
Reply from GETTING STRONGER NOW
12 is a very difficult time for children. Usually they have just moved to secondary school, have made lots of new friends, new teachers, different people to impress.
Maybe you could just given her a bit of space, let her know that no matter what she says or does now you will always be ready and willing to listen when she feels the need to talk.
My 14 yr old daughter refuses to speak to her father now I''m sure if he had left her alone in the beginning to process her feelings it would have helped, instead the constant barrage of txts,calls and general interfering (as she saw it) made her more determined not to see him and got him a warning from the police.
All you can do is let her no that you love her. Ask school to keep you up to date on her activities and behavior there, let them know of your concerns, i would think that if they are concerned as well then this matter should be dealt with on a formal level, they may have more options.

Good luck

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11