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Children when can they decide?

  • Yummy_Mummy
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14 Oct 12 #360898 by Yummy_Mummy
Topic started by Yummy_Mummy
I thought I would ask as I have been told that it doesn''t matter if you go to Courts about residence and contact regarding teenagers.

Is this true?

Is it true that they have their own say in where they want to live and the kind of contact they want with their parent? Is there a particular age?


I am concerned about a friend too. I can relate to what she is saying as my ex is also very cohersive. Although my children are very young under the age of 10, I am very worried as my ExHusband has so much hold and control over the children.
Yes just like his mother has so much control over him.

What happens if the teengers say they don''t want to see their father in my friend''s case?

Will my children really see him for what he is like? Or will they become like him?

I have also heard stories about children wanting to run away as it has become too much for them.

I am concerned about him turning them against me in which case they may not want to live with me.

It''s worrying and scary. When can they decide that they want?

Terribly sorry but I am just so fed up with all this and feel crap.:S

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14 Oct 12 #360901 by rubytuesday
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There is no set or defined age at which children can decide for themselves - there are many factors such as maturity of the child, the ability of them to fully comprehend the situation, etc.

I''m a bit confused by your post as you seem to be talking about two different situations :s

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14 Oct 12 #360925 by Yummy_Mummy
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Thanks Ruby.

Yes I am but it is about the children.

Eventhough children want to be with me more and not him and if my ex doesn''t listen to their wishes and says he knows what''s best for them, can the Courts allow continuation of that residence and contact to remain and not be altered?

Although they are under the age of 10, they have stated that they are frightened of him and feel that they don''t have a choice but are not happy.

Question: "Mum, when can I decide what I want, don''t I get a say in all this?"
:(

  • disneybunny
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14 Oct 12 #360931 by disneybunny
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Under 10 they get no choice no voice and no support from the courts. Between 10 and 13 it seems to depend on the judge what mood tey are in or what tey had for breakfast. I''ve had one judge say the 11 year old could vote with his feet to avoid contact then a second judge order forced contact.

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14 Oct 12 #360932 by Yummy_Mummy
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Thank you for your help.

This is just the sort of thing I find scary and worrying. This kind of attitude, oh well, see how I feel. I have also heard many don''t even bothering reading all the paperwork.

Afterall, there are people, their lives and their future at stake.

Silly me, so law can''t really do anything to protect me from domestic abuse, a controlling and manipulative ex-husband but he can also continue to make things difficult and involve children into his games which of course has an impact on them too.

Surely something can be done?
:S

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14 Oct 12 #360970 by autumn9
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Well I am going to offer another opinion, both our daughters are under 10 and the courts DID listen to their views/feelings and wishes regards contact. All be it that it took 5 seperate interviews with 5 different social workers; the children''s message was very clear and never once changed. My advice would be to hang in there; it is a long, long process but I know that our children now have peace with contact and their residence. I cannot fault the services received from CAHMS/CAFCASS and Social Services. In fact our eldest daughter wrote an open letter to CAFCASS on receipt of a questionnaire to thank the Judge and the social worker for listening to her and her younger sister.

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14 Oct 12 #360976 by disneybunny
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Then you have been very lucky yes was give access without anyone even talking to the children. My oldest turned up at court to object, spoke to the judgeaboutteabuse he had suffered and te judge did not gives damn. He doesn''t have to go as he s not on the order being 15 but my younger son is despite him being desperate to not go.

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