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  • Frankiee
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15 Oct 12 #361065 by Frankiee
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Myself and my young (3) daughter live 100 miles from ex husband we moved 4mths ago to be near family after a long divorce battle through the courts. We verbally agreed monthly contact weekends and meet half way. Contact has been 3 weekends so far but I am really concerned about my daughters frame of mind when she returns, would I be sounding unreasonable if I was to say that I am worried ex may be using her to try to get back at me somehow...as I said it was a very bitter divorce especially where money is concerned. she seems very unsettled since she has returned we have a very close relationship and I reassure her all the time but really worried about what he may be saying to her.

  • maisymoos
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15 Oct 12 #361069 by maisymoos
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Everyone is probably still getting used to the new contact arrangement as you say it has only happened 3 times.

What do you mean by concerned about your daughters frame of mind? Are you happy that she is safe and being looked after?

It is important to ensure she is not dragged in to any conflict between you and your ex. Is she perhaps just adjusting to the new contact arrangements?

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15 Oct 12 #361093 by Frankiee
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Hi thanks for your reply, I guess Im very sensitive to her feelings, I do feel ex is cabable of looking after her but my concern is from a very difficult marriage he can be very manipulating which I would hate for him to behave that way towards our daughter. He is VERY bitter even though he called time on the marriage because he felt I should change. It is early days as you say so hoping it all settles down.

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15 Oct 12 #361174 by maisymoos
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Hi again

Your daughter is young and providing there are no safety concerns she will adjust. In future years she will hopefully have a good relationship with both of you. It''s very hard to try and ignore things that you believe your ex may be saying, my advise is to rise above it and not second guess what may be being said.your daughter is far to young to understand and taking sides for a child is just not fair. Carry on being a great Mum. That''s what your daughter needs now.

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15 Oct 12 #361181 by Emma8485
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I think you are doing the best thing supporting the contact, my partners daughter comes 160 miles north to us on alternate weekends, and it took a few visits to adjust to be honest.

At three yrs old she will not know anything else as she grows up, and while you support her dads role in her life she will thank you for it. If there starts to be real concerns about her state of mind, then no mum could ignore these, but for now its possible that she is just adjusting to the new arrangement - plus Dad could be adjusting to managing his child on their own.

Its hard to start with but it sounds like you''re doing the right things in supporting contact. :)

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16 Oct 12 #361208 by Frankiee
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Thank you so much I feel better already :)

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