Xmas contact

How do i sort xmas contact? My lying cheating ex has moved onto her latest beau and is a nurse. She seems to think that I have to drop in line with whatever her xmas shifts are.

However i have stated it is my intention to have the children this Xmas and she can have them next. As she is the one who chose to leave the family and soon moved in her new beau who she can wake upto on xmas day while without my children i would have no one.

This seems reasonable and logical to me but then my ex''s mind is one i ceased being able to fathom a long time ago.

Any advice greatfully received.

TEIN

Do you live close enough to share christmas day. You have chridtmss eve/ christmas morning then children go to mum for christmas lunch/ boxing day?

Yes we do, but that is the kind of xmas I grew up with and i wanted to try something different as my dad never got to play father xmas ever again.

Plus being a nurse she will have full day shifts and as someone who has told me on a few occasions her career is more important than her children and has a new man to keep her company i feel my suggestion is the best.

She could then have them next year.

Tein,

You need to keep your reasoning centred around your children.

Christmas this year falls on a Tuesday - what would be the contact arrangements for the weekend before Christmas? If it is your weekend, then how about suggesting that she has the children that weekend, and you will collect them on the Monday (Xmas Eve) and return them in the evening on Xmas day?

However, if she is working most of Christmas, and Xmas Day is her only day off, then it wouldn''t be unreasonable for her to have them that day.

Birthdays, Christmas, etc are always a bone of contention. Children quickly get used to the idea of two birthdays, two Christmases, etc – and often enjoy this more than we as adults would think. Don''t get all worked up over the date on the calendar – you can still do all the usual traditional things, just be a few days earlier/later if the children are spending the Christmas period with their other parent. Its about the day you all have together, not the date you have it on.

I don''t always think that sharing Christmas day works - it doesn''t give either the children or the parent (and extended family) enough proper time to enjoy the usual festivities and family traditions. My ex and I did try this for a couple of years, but the children didn''t enjoy it, and it was they who said (at just 9 and 4) they didn''t want to be passed about like a parcel on Christmas Day any-more; so we alternated Christmas, which worked much better for everyone. Each family was able to enjoy a whole Christmas Day with the children, even if it wasn''t on the 25th December.

You write you have already stated your position.
Are you waiting for her response?
All the best
HRH x

Yes I have stated what I wish to happen and as yet had no response.

As nurses we have no choice about when we work over Christmas, generally you do Christmas one year, new year the next and it''s fair to everyone that way, I think you need to stay child focused rather than your ex and her new partner, I get that your angry and upset but how do the children feel? And what''s wrong with Boxing Day? That''s what I arranged with my ex at the time before he did what he did and that seemed fair on everyone?