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  • maisymoos
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16 Oct 12 #361381 by maisymoos
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The kids can have two christmas'' s focus on yours and forget about hers. Believe me the kids won''t complain! I won''t have my children this year for the first time ever on xmas day but plan to do the same as always for the children on boxing day. As long as they are happy and enjoy it so I am I.

  • TEIN
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17 Oct 12 #361383 by TEIN
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I hear what your all saying and I dont expect to have them every Xmas but this being the first one when I will be all alone and my ex will not be alone given she has a new fella. It seems logical to me that I have them this xmas and she has them next.

My Dad cheated on my mum and from when I was 2 he never got to play father christmas again.

My children are my life and I''d do anything for them and dread the thought of missing their faces when they wake up searching for if he''s been.

Why because my ex is a nurse should I have to bow down to all her shift patterns? I have accomodated the lying cheating ##### for the last few years and am sick of feeling just because i''m the bloke she has all the power.

Its not like i''m saying she misses out altogether as next year it will be her turn but these special days dont last much longer. My children are 5 & 7. So 5 more years and if i do the first of those I obviously get 3 of the 5 Special Xmas days.

At times it feel like i should be greatful for what i''ve got which considering her mutliple cheating on me, the lies, deceit and pain she has caused my children and I and is still causing after moving her new fella in only months after we split. My children are about to start counselling to help deal with the speed of the upheavel in their lives.

So how is my suggestion not fair and reasonable?

  • MrsMathsisfun
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17 Oct 12 #361389 by MrsMathsisfun
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Is the ex suggesting she has the children all of christmas this year and you next because of her shifts?

My ex and i shared christmas day sucessfully until they were old enough for it not to matter so much. We spilt the day so that one year Santa was at daddys first and the next year Santa came to mine first so we both shared the day. We tried the one year at mums. One at dads and my children hated it!

Hope you come up with a solution the children are happy with because thats the most important not what the parents want.

  • Sjw19850141
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17 Oct 12 #361434 by Sjw19850141
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Besides the fact that you''ll be on your own why is it logical? Forgive me but I don''t see it x if she''s off this Christmas likely she won''t be next so I think you need to think about it that way and not allow your own feelings both from the breakup and your own childhood to cloud your judgement x

  • TEIN
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17 Oct 12 #361439 by TEIN
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It seems to me there are three options

One, we split xmas day up and then have to decide who gets to see their little faces light up Xmas Morning.

Two, I have this yr and them next.

Three, they have them this yr and me next.

From my own childhood experience I didn''t mind my day being split between my parents but was aware of the tension this created with being a little late being returned by one parent.

And now as an adult and parent I have discussed the merits of splitting Xmas day with my parents and know certainly on my Mum''s part she would have preferred to alternate Xmas day as it disrupted every Xmas day in terms of visiting others etc....

Hence my preference is to alternate starting with me getting the first one applying the logic she has someone new to keep her company and I don''t.

That seems logical to me but is why I have posted on here to get some further perspective.

  • carer
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17 Oct 12 #361442 by carer
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Hi TEIN,

I understand your anger at what your Ex has done - but you need to separate her behaviour from what is best for the children. This is not about your need to see the children it is about their need to see you/mum - childrens needs come first.

If you want things to be fair in terms of holidays/birthdays/christmas you have to work with your Ex - which can be difficult - but unless you can put your feelings about her to one side then you wont get far trying to agree contact. As your Ex is a Nurse you will have to accept that sometimes you will have to accommodate her needs - because that is what is in the best interests of the children - you and your Ex are adults so should (in theory) be able to work out a solution without trying to deliberately make things awkward for each other.

As much as you would like your children with you this year - so does your Ex - and for the same reasons as you.

Have your/your Ex discussed this with the children? Have you been to mediation or do you plan to go? Perhaps mediation would help to discuss issues such as this as they can see things from a third party point of view. As others have said - some children like alternating Christmas and others prefer to share the day - do what is best for the children.

Carer

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