Rumours

Annoyed Mummy

I have a sister who has AS. She has always been and will continue to be a thorn in my side as much as I love her very dearly.

Hold your head up high, love your child and do what you believe to be in the best interests for your child.

Forget about trying to please everyone else because they do not have your best interests at heart.

Take care with best wishes.

LOM

From what I''ve seen from AM''s posts over the last few years, her daughter''s father isn''t manipulative; he''s just a mess. He''s lost touch with his daughter because he can''t get it together to see her and he has misinterpreted AM''s attempts to set up contact. He doesn''t really know what he''s doing and his family aren''t really helping him by being inconsistent themselves.

To be honest, all you can really do is ignore him as far as possible and remind people that his perceptions aren''t always the same as other people''s.

Best wishes,
Sadie

AM - I''m sorry to hijack the thread...
Carer - What does NT stand for?
My stbx used to always accuse me of not listening whenever I didn''t agree with him. It used to drive me crazy!

Hi Elusivesoul,

''Neurotypical'' - meaning we are ''normal'' for want of a better explanation!

I am guessing what your Ex was meaning was that because you didnt agree with his point of view it could only have meant that you hadnt listened - because clearly he was right - and people with AS are never wrong. It takes arrogance to a whole new level doesnt it.

Carer

Hi,

Although people with AS don''t generally lie, they do tell stories beyond belief, which they actually think is true. I have experienced this many times with my Son who has AS. His Mental Health Team told me is very common with AS and it is called Confabulation.

It is basically, a half truth. They say a statement which is truthful, and fill the gaps with untruths and fantasy. My Son believes that he has two Mum''s and always talks about his other Mummy to me. It hurts like hell, and they are so believeable in what they say, and how they ''tell the story''.

They advised me not to listen or question what he is saying, and basically ignore it. Obviously, the people your ex is telling these dreadful stories to, don''t know that he has AS, and I would imagine the detail in '' the story'' is very believeable.

Sending you hugs ))))

Hi Boysmum,

I hadnt heard of this explanation before. It doesnt fit my Ex but then there are various levels and traits of the syndrome arent there.

It is possible that my Ex could have come up with this story too - but there would be a grain of truth in it to him. An example would be - the last time he saw the child was perhaps her birthday (which would be the grain of truth) but the added part would be that the child had died - clearly that isnt true - but in his eyes it might *feel* that the child had died because he no longer sees her - if you see what I mean! So - whilst this is abhorent to anyone hearing it - the person with AS isnt technically telling a lie - its just the way they have concluded the situation - a bit of truth and the rest ''doctored'' to fit. I dont know whether this would be compared to confabulation?

I was once trying to light a fire in our grate and it wouldnt take - so I (stupidly in hindsight) threw some candles on which suddenly took and the flames were bellowing out of the front and marked the fireplace. My Ex to this day still says that I ''tried to set the house on fire'' - because in his eyes that was true. Other people would easily have told the story differently and without the accusations.

It must be upsetting with your son mentioning another ''mummy''. My middle child said this to me until she was about three - she even described where she lived and someone told me that children can sometimes have memories of a previous life!

Carer

Hi Carer,

I think you are spot on, and your example is what Confabulation means. There is always a grain of truth, but the gaps, quite often 99% of the ''stroy'', is complete confabulation.

My Son details everything to do with his ''other mummy''. Often when we are out driving, he will see ''her car'', and say "There she is", its a chillingly horrible experience. The worrying thing with confabulation, is that the stories are so believeable, especially to someone who has no inside knowledge of the situation.

I feel for the OP and can understand and sympathise with her. Dealing with someone who has AS, and the stories which have been said, are very hard to deal with. They are very believeable stroy tellers and unless you live with someone on the spectrum, it is very hard to understand. As you know Carer, even living with someone on the spectrum is a challenge and often confusing.