A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Alienation and court application

  • Hazel123
  • Hazel123's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
More
26 Aug 17 #495891 by Hazel123
Topic started by Hazel123
Hi. I'm new. Feeling very stuck. My Partner's son is having a really rough time and we are having contact issues. Partner and his ex were never married, just dated for a few weeks - child was a happy accident.

Anyway - after 9 years of co-parenting (not plain sailing, contact stopped umpteen times) had to apply to court last year after allegations made and contact stopped. Allegations dismissed as Partner produced evidence of the threat. The child arrangements order is a bit vague (it was a bonus to a specific issues order so not detailed) and child's Mum is taking advantage of this.

The problem now is, a further allegation was made a few months ago against Partner, dismissed by family worker who picked up alienation of child (child was clearly coached and was upset and unwell after being interviewed).

Child's Mum basically seems to want one family now without us involved, with her husband and her other child. After two failed attempts at accusing us of abuse, she is now seeming to intensively alienate child who has had somewhat of a personality change recently which is very worrying. We know what has been said to him, as he talks to Partner about it. Some pretty nasty stuff and constant bad mouthing of both of us, telling child partner is a liar and I have done criminal things (all untrue). Effect on child has been that he is disrespectful and sometimes confused and contradictory. Things improve the longer he is here, but with contact being witheld for long periods (not completely) he comes back more alienated each time.

So at the point of applying to have the order varied and defined but not sure what to ask for or how to go about highlighting the alienation. Partner wants to submit C1A giving details of the harrassment and alienation. But we have concerns that child's Mother may react in a very maverick way and it could put child at risk.

So help with thinking things through would be appreciated. So far we're thinking either:

1)Apply ex parte with C1A and ask for temporary residence while investigation takes place.
2)Apply with just C100 for shared residence and tone down the alienation on initial application (to avoid major backlash) and then give more details in position statement before hearing. The thinking being shared residence application will not come across as such a great threat to child's Mother. I honestly think she would harm him rather than lose residence. But unlikely to get shared residence in the north of England I believe. The argument would be - to have extra time with child to help alleviate alienation and to try and encourage acceptance of parental equality (at present the communication we get is abusive and treats us like naughty criminals).

Any thoughts? Main thing is - to try and protect child - but don't want to make things worse by doing so. If we do nothing we will see him less and less.

  • Hazel123
  • Hazel123's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
More
27 Aug 17 #495905 by Hazel123
Reply from Hazel123
Hello. Is there anybody there :)We are going round in circles. One minute thinking of a toned down summary in C100, next minute thinking of applying ex parte for residence with C1A and evidence. Any help greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  • Carlsberg71
  • Carlsberg71's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
29 Aug 17 #495953 by Carlsberg71
Reply from Carlsberg71
Hi, sorry to read this. I would go for the C100 first, but been very honest, and I can only talk from my experience, courts are totally useless in these proceedings. Everybody talks a good game, yet basically side with the mother. Parental Alienation is not recognised by social services, regardless of what you read, and they even admitted to me that proving it is nigh on impossible so wouldn't even entertain my views.
All I would say is go with your gut feeling, only you can decide what's right and how to play it. You can take as much advice as you can lay your hands on, but it is you two going through this horrendous time and even though many people have been through it, every case is very personal. Sorry to sound so pessimistic, and I can only hope, for the sake of the child, it all comes right in the end. Good luck.

  • bluesteel
  • bluesteel's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
30 Jan 18 #499161 by bluesteel
Reply from bluesteel
Hi,
Just wondering if you have got anywhere with this? Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My partner split from his ex when son was 6 months old. Had a good relationship with him and contact regularly until son was almost 10 (just over 2 years ago) Mother wanted us to have less contact, we didn't agree so started falsely accusing partner of abuse, all investigated with SS and police found to be not true, spent almost a year through court to get a court order in place which she wouldn't agree with for months. All seemed to be settling down but stopped the mid week contact last year, we let that slide as it didn't seem worth the time and expense to go back through the court system. She won't communicate with us at all now, she's blocked our telephone numbers so we can only communicate with his son. We have bought him a mobile so we can speak to him but he never seems to have it, we think that he has another phone to use while at his mothers house. So when contact doesn't happen it is up to him to ring and say he doesn't want to come, there is never an explanation just he doesn't want to. We know this is because of the things she is saying to him, making sure he will be missing out by coming to see his dad, she gets upset with him when he does come and has said that when mam is upset everyone gets in trouble! so I think he feels it is just easier to keep her happy and not come. We are now applying to the court for an enforcement order c79 form. To be honest we are getting tired of it all, we just want to know if there will be a light at the end of the tunnel!

  • Carlsberg71
  • Carlsberg71's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
30 Jan 18 #499173 by Carlsberg71
Reply from Carlsberg71
Hi there, Sadly I have got nowhere with it and have now decided to let it go. Whilst they are in the clutches of their narccissistic mother nothing will change. The courts, like I say, are totally useless, siding with a vicious, vindictive and unstable mother, who I may add is also very good at playing the meek, scared, downtrodden person. Until the courts change their extremely dark age views then nothing will change.

  • vanilla30
  • vanilla30's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
05 Feb 18 #499412 by vanilla30
Reply from vanilla30
I have to agree too that the courts are less than useless.

My ex is a narcissist who is a great manipulator, he managed to manipulate a social work, lied in court under oath, was proven to have lied at the following hearing but the judge refused to do anything about it.

My son is caught in the middle of it, he knows his father is an abusive liar but still sees him because it's not worth the backlash if he refuses.

Best of luck

  • bluesteel
  • bluesteel's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
05 Feb 18 #499413 by bluesteel
Reply from bluesteel
Have you ever refused contact? Or has your son ever said he hasn't wanted to go and you've let him not go? Just wondering about the consequences for you if you did that, even though you have very valid reasons?

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11