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Advice re DV - URGENT - I'm so stressed

  • helpingoutafriend
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14 Mar 18 #500190 by helpingoutafriend
Topic started by helpingoutafriend

I shall keep as brief as possible......

Most recent CO dates back to 2011. It was hard going at first but things settled down about 5 years ago, which is all good and great for my child. All was going well, we even celebrated my child's birthdays together, would chat like friends etc

Fast forward to January of this year....

I found out very disturbing information about ex husband. Basically serious allegations against his ex with regards to her poisoning her baby.....resulting in the baby being taken off her, social services involved and Court proceedings instigated. He told me all of this and the allegation so serious that I believed him. This ex lived with him and my child stays approx. 3 nights per week with him. I was so concerned that I wanted my child tested. This is were doubts crept in as there were so many inconsistencies that it just didn't make sense and in my mind that means its not true.

So I got in touch with his ex. She has been put through hell as has her baby - blood gases etc, as has her ex husband - he was taken in by my ex's allegations. They were all untrue - I've seen the results.

I also found out a lot about the bizarre behaviours he was displaying, so outlandish that I became very concerned.

Then I found out his ex was referred to a MARAC as she was deemed at very high risk of DV.

Ex was taking my son on holiday for 11 nights - a provisional agreement from me many months prior. I was so scared that I tried everything to reduce the time away. I couldn't apply to Court as I was conscious that the details of the MARAC were to be kept confidential and the outcome wasn't going to be known prior to them going.

So he took me to court for a SI order. He only booked travel as he was waiting to go into court - so I had no choice but to not contest it. As I'm sat in the court room I noticed that he had also asked for a new Child Arrangement Order.... I was devastated.....

So we enter the horrible world of Court.....

The day before they were leaving for holiday I was contacted by the Police as they wanted to go and check on my child's safety. I was so scared as ex still didn't know about the DV stuff and had the passport. I explained to the Police that I felt it would put my child in danger as ex would flip and I was scared. They agreed that I would check on my child and they notified Social Services and referred my details to the Vulnerable Persons Unit.

I have had my CAFCASS interview and she asked for the ex's details as ex was also interviewed many years ago about DV against me.

He has been suspended from work as he works in same place as ex - he is a nurse and his registration is at risk.

He is also being investigated by Social Services.

So, my question is - will CAFCASS take into account the DV against his ex? Or will they see it as irrelevant as it is not against me? I fear for the influence he is having on my child. I truly believe that he is ill at the moment and needs help. I don't want to stop him seeing my child but feel that this may be best in the interim. I did say to CAFCASS that my threshold for immediate safeguard concerns will obviously be much lower than the Courts. I was honest throughout and just want the best for my child as we all do.

I think ex is now hell bent on revenge as he knows I spoke to his ex. I did tell him that I would as he wasn't making sense and asked him three times just to tell me the truth and we will work it out. I think he was trying to manipulate me and 'get me on side', he admitted as much.....

Any advice would be so appreciated

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