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Shared Care but ex will not communicate

  • Smurf1234
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10 Sep 18 #503773 by Smurf1234
Topic started by Smurf1234
Hello,

Having recently gone through several court hearings a child arrangement order is now in place 55/45% in my favour.

My issue is this, my ex husband will not communicate with me and only wants me to email him on the day I handover the children to him. He will accept urgent emails but all he wants is 1 email 3 x a month.

I am finding this very difficult as I do not think this is in the best interests of the children. If i forget to tell him something I have to wait nearly 10 days to tell him. I find this controlling but i am fearful that I make contact he will report me to the police as he has previously done so.

Children forget things, things crop up, events need booking and decisions need making. I just want to email, get an answer and move on. My ex has alot of resentment towards me ( he had an affair with my best friend but blames me and my issues of being a terrible wife )

2 houses and OFW is a no go as he refuses to use it.

Can I go back to court and make him communicate effectivly or do I parrellel parent and pretend he does not exist?

All advice will be appreciated?

x

  • .Sylvia
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10 Sep 18 #503775 by .Sylvia
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I'm sorry to hear of your difficult situation.

You've really answered your own question - parallel parenting is probably the best way forward for your own sanity, and to prevent any further conflict between you and your ex.

Parallel parenting grants each parent independence from one another, while still enabling each parent to make child-rearing decisions for their children. With parallel parenting, the parents do not have to consult each other or seek approval when making decisions on their children''s behalf. Rather, each parent agrees to let the other parent make their own decisions, in exchange for them being able to do the same. Parents who are able to successfully engage in parallel parenting, acknowledge that high-conflict parenting is much worse for the children than being in agreement with the other parent on parenting/child issues.

If he is only willing to accept 3 emails a month, then stick to that - it's not unreasonable to not to want to be sent a high number of emails. Perhaps you could open a draft email, jot down any information or events he needs to be aware of, and and when you are made aware of them, or remember them, and only send it when it's time to send him his regular update. There's no point in sending him more emails if they will be ignored, or if it's likely to cause conflict.

  • hon3ybee
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10 Sep 18 #503780 by hon3ybee
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Hi There.

Appreciate how difficult this is for you, I'm in the opposite position where ex is main resident parent and very rarely passes anything on.... I have to go to the school,docs,clubs etc for all my info.

Simply treat matters as a business affair, and in a business like manner.

If there is information to pass on then simply pass it on in an email.... then he can't say you didn't let him know, you're passing information over about your children, what he does with it then is up to him..... just don't expect a reply.

Keep the emails to the things that really matter.

You make decisions when kids are with you and he makes them when they are with him, if you are given details of an event, pass them on and leave it at that, he can attend or not.

Though I completely agree with Sylia, it will be very rare that something comes up that need the urgent attention of both of you, everything else can be planned in advance and the information shared in a limited number of emails.

HB

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