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C100

  • Alex0702
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1 year 2 months ago #506567 by Alex0702
C100 was created by Alex0702
My ex has refused to attend mediation regarding contact. So now I need to complete a C100.

I haven’t seen my children properly for 20 months. This contact broke down for no particular reason, she simply stopped turning up with them as had been the previous arranagement.

I initiated mediation on her suggestion. Now she has ignored the mediators invitation to attended.

She has also told me that she has made reports of domestic abuse although this was some 6 weeks ago and I haven’t heard from the police so I’m assuming this was merely another threat/throwaway comment.

She has also, since receiving the invitation to mediation, said the children don’t want to see me, they don’t love me, the usual stuff. This has never ever been mentioned before and we’ve been separated for four years.

My main concern is what impact these things the children have said will have? I am upset that their Mum has influenced them in this way and I would have really preferred mediation or maybe even counselling including the children. A court order seems so extreme.

I don’t want to have representation but would like a McKenzie friend to help, does anyone have any recommendations in the South East?

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1 year 2 months ago #506575 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:C100
Twenty months is a heck of a long time for children to go without spending time with a parent.

\"what impact these things the children have said will have?\" That depends on thier ages and their level of maturity - once you being proceedings, a Cafcass officer will speak with the children in a an age appropriate way so that the children can tell the officer in thier own words what they think, feel and would like to happen regarding time with you. These comments can be raised by you in court, and you can question thier validity and origin (ie are the children just repeating what Mum has told them).

You will also need to submit a parenting plan with your C100, which should set out all the proposed arrangements for the children, including time spent with both parents, holidays, religious festivals, school, parents evening, extra activities, etc etc.

Wikivorce provide low cost services to litigants in person - support,. advice, guidance, help with court documents, etc etc. Give the helpline a call on 01202805020.

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1 year 2 months ago #506579 by Alex0702
Replied by Alex0702 on topic Re:C100
It is a long time but then when your kids live with your bitter ex life isn't easy!

Up until 6 weeks ago the kids wanted to come, I have email proof and a diary of that from both them and their mum. Arrangements would be made and then broken, promises made and broken. I'm blocked from my eldest son's phone (youngest doesn't have one), she's changed the landline number and I'm told to F off when I have been to the house.

Now invitation to mediate has been declined and now eldest has unblocked me on the phone, told me he doesn't want to see me anymore. Ex then emailed several times telling me the kids don't want to see me, this is their wishes and I should respect that.

I've asked why and why this has suddenly come about, with no reply, just telling me I'm a liar and they don't need me etc etc. Finally I get a message saying to stop harassing them!? So what do I do?? If I carry on trying to see them she's clearly going to paint a picture of harassment, if I don't, another 20 months with pass and it's even more of a \"heck of a long time\"?!

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1 year 2 months ago #506581 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:C100
I would stop trying to contact them directly for the time being, and take the matter to court. If you continue to trying to contact her or the children, you may end up facing harassment charges :(

You can call the helpline in confidence and speak to an adviser.

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1 year 2 months ago #506583 by Alex0702
Replied by Alex0702 on topic Re:C100
So contact breaks down further/for longer and allowing mum to run me down further...

Being a non resident parent is the worst feeling in the world. Children need both parents and yet it takes a court order, which faces no consequences if it is broken so hardly seems worth it, to make resident parent \"allow\" access.

Find it tough that financially if your name is on the birth certificate you are absolutely liable to pay (which I do plus spousal) and yet Mum has control of when I can have \"access\" to my kids.

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1 year 2 months ago #506584 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:C100
Mum only has \"control\" over your children's time with you because you haven't yet taken any action to rectify that.

You have the power to change the current situation, or at the very least, attempt to change it and make changes that mean a better life for your children and yourself. If you do nothing, then nothing will change for the better.

As it seems you and your ex are very unlikely tor resolve this amicably, either between yourselves or via mediation, court really is your only other option.

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1 year 2 months ago #506585 by Alex0702
Replied by Alex0702 on topic Re:C100
You think things are going to get better, unfortunately they haven't they've got worse. You think things will calm down, they don't. You think she will accept my new relationship, she hasn't. You think when she's met someone else, she will want free time, she didn't.

To say I haven't \"taken any action\" is unfair. As I have said, arrangements have been made but they aren't stuck to.

There was an alternate weekend routine in place and that stopped, with no explanation, and when questioned, I was ignored?! Yet if I contact them to arrange dates I am harassing them!?

No we aren't going to sort things amicably. But does that sound like someone who is going to willing to let me see my kids if an order is in place? An order that faces no consequences should it be broken?

Before my divorce, I could never ever understand why dad's didn't see their kids, but now, I can see how easily that can happen.

They are 13 and nearly 8, I'm guessing that the eldest will have a choice on if he sees me or not. Yet how did this become real that my child, with whom I was incredibly close, now doesn't want to see me? And what can I do to change that without contact?

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