A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020
Mon/Fri 9am-8pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-8pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Urgent - Applied to CMS now Ex wants to see kids

  • ImanMonday
  • ImanMonday's Avatar Topic Author
  • Junior Boarder
  • Junior Boarder
More
1 year 5 months ago #507125 by ImanMonday
Can you urgently help!

My husband walked out and has not seen the children in around 4 years or made any effort to.

I applied to the Child Maintenance Service last week (husband was paying 50p each a month for 2 children when I asked him for maintenance)

Since applying last week, I get an email out of of the blue from a contact centre informing me that husband want to see kids at weekends, giving me 5 days notice.

I am concerned for my kids wellbeing and safety!
(I have a previous non molestation order and most recently and undertaking from him) - It must be supervised contact.

Less than 5 days is not enough notice to emotionally prepare the kids to see someone they have not seen in years or have no memory off and is a stranger to them. Plus we already have plans over half term


He know wants to see kids - and has not provided much notice at all.
Can I say NO? Or can I say not enough notice has been provided? What is the best way to go about this??

He also has made an undertaking my the court to only contact me through a family member that we agreed on at the Court. So I am not sure if he has done the right thing is asking the contact centre to contact me?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Cheesestring
  • Cheesestring's Avatar
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
1 year 5 months ago #507128 by Cheesestring
Replied by Cheesestring on topic Re:Urgent - Applied to CMS now Ex wants to see kids
I can truly understand what you're going through as I've been through similar. I'm not an expert but I can only give advice on what I would do.

I wouldn't take my children to a contact centre unless it was stated in a court order. For that a mediation attempt must be made and then application made to court. My ex threatened to take my children and never return them and said I'll never find him. Legally he has parental rights so can take the children. In the end he took me to court and he is currently seeing them in a contact centre. Most contact centres don't even take on 'cases' without being directed through the courts.

I've learnt to ignore emails and messages from ex, I only communicate through solicitors.

Also why didn't you go through cms 4 years ago when he left? 50p a month for 2 kids is absolutely disgusting.

In my case after I applied to cms, my ex suddenly wanted to see children too. Before that he vanished

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • hadenoughnow
  • hadenoughnow's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
1 year 5 months ago #507133 by hadenoughnow
Replied by hadenoughnow on topic Re:Urgent - Applied to CMS now Ex wants to see kids
I am not expert in child matters but my view would be that you have to consider the best interests of the children in all this. That is what a court would do.

I would be very reluctant to just start contact without a careful plan being put in place and for the children to be introduced to the idea gradually.

This may well be a case where the courts could be helpful.

If you need specialist help on child matters, give the helpline a call.

Hadenoughnow

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
1 year 5 months ago #507134 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Urgent - Applied to CMS now Ex wants to see kids
Welcome to Wikivorce.

Contact is for the benefit of the children, not the parent. It is rather telling that he has ignored his children for 4 years, then suddenly requests to see them (at very short notice!) after you make a claim via the CMS...

If your children are still very young, then to all intent and purposes, he will be a stranger to them, and there is no relationship there to pick up on. That relationship would need to be built up gradually, in an environment that is safe for the children, and in a structured way that puts thier interests and welfare at the forefront.

There would need to be the appropriate safeguarding checks made first, given the history here, before any contact takes place.

If he has a solicitor, I would suggest you write to the sols, saying that 5 days notice is not enough, that there may be safeguarding concerns, and that any contact needs to be managed properly. I'd also ask why he is now seeking contact after a n absence of 4 years. I'd also point out to the solicitor that thier client has breached his undertaking by contacting you directly, rather than going through the agreed third party channels.

While it is true that children have a right to a relationship with both parents - that relationship needs to be healthy and one that benefits the children and enhances thier life and well-being.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • ImanMonday
  • ImanMonday's Avatar Topic Author
  • Junior Boarder
  • Junior Boarder
More
1 year 5 months ago #507138 by ImanMonday
Thank you! I'll take up what's been suggested.
Cheers

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11