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Having consistent child arrangements

  • MrSpring
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1 year 1 month ago #507231 by MrSpring
Having consistent child arrangements was created by MrSpring
Hi I was wondering if anyone has been in the same situation as me.

I split with my ex partner a couple of years ago and have a 5 and a two year old together.

We currently split the care of the children and have kind of alternating weekends which i'm really grateful about as I still get to see my kids so often.

The issue I have is that the arrangements aren't consistent due to my ex partner working for the nhs and she sets the days I have my kids for when she's working. She's signed a form at work which gives her flexibility to choose shifts to work around the kids however I don't think she's utilising it.

I have the kids on different days every week but it's a logistical nightmare without a set routine.

I work myself 9-5 weekdays so I have to start work late the days I drop mine to school/nursery and arrange childcare with family the times I can't drop off or collect them so I don't see why she shouldn't have to do the same and always have them on her days off?

I've been told by friends/family that I shouldn't have to be working around her shifts and she should give the kids a routine and fit her shifts around them instead of me bending over backwards to make arrangements for childcare, which I do agree with because my two never know if they're coming or going one week to the next and I think they need a set routine.

I totally understand she needs to work but her shifts seem really parent unfriendly for having signed a flexible working form.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on this or have been through this situation to resolve it?


Many thanks and hope things work out ok for you all.

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  • WYSPECIAL
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1 year 1 month ago #507237 by WYSPECIAL
Replied by WYSPECIAL on topic Re:Having consistent child arrangements
Could it work better if you were the main carer as you have a more stable work pattern?

Remember especially given the ages of the children what you have in place now won't be forever.

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1 year 1 month ago #507238 by MrSpring
Replied by MrSpring on topic Re:Having consistent child arrangements
I did suggest that I become the main carer to her a while ago but she wouldn't budge. She is a very controlling person so I don't think things will be able to be resolved amicably.

I've spoken to her regarding her shifts several times before and she says she can't do anything about it and I need to man up and deal with the childcare. Hence why I need to get some advice first as this isn't going to be resolved amicably.

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1 year 1 month ago #507239 by WYSPECIAL
Replied by WYSPECIAL on topic Re:Having consistent child arrangements
Difficult choices for you then.

Do you pay child maintenance? Does she claim child benefit and child tax credits?

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1 year 1 month ago #507249 by MrSpring
Replied by MrSpring on topic Re:Having consistent child arrangements
Hi again Wyspecial.

Well that's what i'm trying to find out, what are my choices?

When we were living together I did all the childcare whilst she worked and it's just carried over after the seperation because that's what she expects of me.

I'm just looking for something that's fair for the kids now though so they know they have a set routine and I just need to find out whether that's possible.

To be honest I know it's possible she can set her shifts because the days were set in stone for about a year and a half after we split. She's met a new partner and the days have just been all over the place since they've planned a trip to disneyland together which is why I believe she's doing all the awkward shifts to get the money in. What I want to know is if I can say something like the kids need a set routine so what you're doing isn't fair?

I've moved on with my life too though, met a fab gal who's got a daughter that's 5 which my two have grown close to but we can never plan anything because things swap and change all the time.

No I don't pay any child maintenance because I have the kids probably more than half the time she does so I woukd definitely kick up a fuss if she asked for that lol!

She claims child benefits, not sure about child tax credits. When her new partner moved in she got no benefits because he's on a high wage so I had to cover the additonal cost for nursery fee's but I was able to manage.

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1 year 1 month ago #507250 by MrSpring
Replied by MrSpring on topic Re:Having consistent child arrangements
P.S

It's supposed to be my weekend with my kiddies from tomorrow morning but i've just been told my oldest has gone on a sleepover with his friend (one of the exe's daughters) and she's taking him to her dance class which is at 10-11. So the ex will drop him back afterwards to me.

I wouldn't mind if it was on her weekend but i made plans!

Surely there's something I can do to stop this sort of thing?

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1 year 1 month ago #507252 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:Having consistent child arrangements
What time tomorrow were you meant to have the children from? Does your ex dropping the children off after dance class impact on any arrangements you may have made for the children tomorrow?

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