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What do I ask for?

  • MissingMySon2009
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1 year 2 weeks ago #507625 by MissingMySon2009
What do I ask for? was created by MissingMySon2009
Situation now as follows.

I write one letter per week to my son. I voluntarily stopped other direct and indirect contact two weeks ago, as ex-wife was domestically abusing my son and me at all handovers and during all phone calls.

I have admissible evidence of the domestic abuse, and the Police have confirmed in writing that there has been domestic abuse. All this has resulted in a Section 17 assessment by Children's Services.

Children's Services have finally put in writing to the Court that they believe that my ex wife manipulated my son into making a disclosure against me in January.

There are some issues with my son's school that I am still working on.

My ex-wife continues to insist that it is my son's wish to never see me again. She has my sons diary, where he keeps saying he hates me. (He is ten years old.)

What can I / should I ask for in Court?

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1 year 2 weeks ago #507626 by rubytuesday
Replied by rubytuesday on topic Re:What do I ask for?
I'm truly sorry to learn that matters have gotten to this sorry stage.

Have you considered requesting a transfer of residence? While this is an extreme option, a transfer of residence may be appropriate in cases where the child is at high risk of being alienated from the \"non-resident\" parent by manipulation or coercion from the \"resident\" parent. See cases Re C (A Child) [2018] EWHC 557 (Fam) and Re B (change of residence; parental alienation) [2017] EWFC B24.

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1 year 2 weeks ago #507641 by MissingMySon2009
Replied by MissingMySon2009 on topic Re:What do I ask for?
Ruby, thank you.

I know that I used the hotline at length a couple of times in February, and wrote a few posts in March about not agreeing to mediation in Court. All making me seem a little difficult, but I knew what was happening and just could not get anyone to listen.

On mediation, at the end of March my ex-wife rejected mediation twice. Even though she had been blaming my refusal to mediate for the escalation in matters.

I have been advised that requesting a transfer of residence myself will put me at risk of seeming the aggressor. Another option is to ask for a suspended transfer of residence. But the issue is that if there was a transfer of residence my son is currently too alienated to be able to make the adjustment with significant support, and that will impact on my two year old.

Mum has claimed that he wants to hurt me, smashing my hand by slamming a door on it. And that he is suicidal. But she refuses to tell me whether she has taken him t the GP for support.

I have had a lot of advice to ask for a Guardian. Also to ask for psychiatric assessments of mum, or a part 25 expert to report on causes and ways forward.

I also need to ask about my son's school place in September, as my ex-wife has also made a threat about this.

The domestic abuse that I can prove with admissible evidence is (1) my ex-wife recorded my son being abusive to me, with her prompting him, and then sent me the recording on his birthday; and (2) my ex-wife is making threats to try and control where i work. I am worried that this will not be enough in the Court, although it was enough to trigger the section 17.

Police may also be looking at the historic domestic abuse over the last seven years.

I had to stop phone contact in April because my ex-wife was getting son to call em to either make false allegations or to abuse me.

I had to stop trying handovers from my ex-wife in April, as she was watching and laughing while my son verbally abused me. At the last one I thought he was going to physically assault me, so I had to get into my car to protect myself.

And I had to stop pickups from school in May, as my son kept accusing me of trying to 'lure' him out of school and 'trap' him where there were 'no witnesses'.

Just one letter a week at the moment, delivered to the school, but never replied to. I need to ask about how I will deliver the letters during the school holidays, as if I send them to my ex-wife's house it might lead to further abuse, or might not reach my son at all.

Children's Services have written this week that they feel that my ex-wife staged the disclosure by my son at his school in January. And that I have the insight to not fuel the abuse by my ex-wife, and that I am trying to calm matters by asking the Police to not visit my ex-wife about the domestic abuse. What really upsets me here is that they decided to not disclose all this to Cafcass in January, and I had to get a Court Order. They have now apologised verbally for not disclosing, but the four month delay has done so much damage.

We have had huge problem with the school too. The teacher responsible for safeguarding my son seemed to decide in mid-March that he knew best, and that the best solution was for me to indefinitely stop collecting my son from school. He stopped recording my disclosures in the safeguarding log, recorded his personal opinions that I should not be collecting my son, and seems to have used the log to block a section 17 assessment in March. I expressed concern to the Head teacher, who dismissed my concerns. But we then got evidence of what was happening, and this week the CEO of the school has had to initiate a full review of the school's safeguarding procedures. What's really difficult is that they will not retract the safeguarding log that is known to be biased, and it has gone into Court. And now I have to communicate with the CEO only, as the staff are not allowed to. I hated expressing my concerns, and hate that now I cannot speak that only the CEO can communicate with me because of all the mistakes made by her staff, and the risk that they will make more mistakes.
One of the staff disclosed sensitive information to my ex-wife that resulted in more domestic abuse, even though he was warned to not disclose that specific information.

The Police are recognising the domestic abuse, but like the other agencies involved it is all a bit inconsistent.

The Court are forwarding paperwork and reports to my ex-wife's solicitor but not to me, so I had to express concerns to the Court admin team today about that.

I have spoken with the assigned social worker twice now, and she makes her first home visit to me next week. I am worried that me having to express concerns tot he school might make me seem an angry dad, and this will turn the social worker against me.

Sorry for the big worry dump.

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