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Daughter No Longer Wishes for Contact

  • TragicComedy
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03 Sep 20 #513977 by TragicComedy
Topic started by TragicComedy
After a long time away from Wikivorce I am unfortunately back asking for advise and assistance. To try and highlight every nuance and event over the past decade would be impossible but I will try and summarize my problem.

Since meeting my partner, contact arrangements with my daughter were getting progressively harder and harder. For example when my partner moved in with me, access was stopped by my ex wife with no reason. I have had to attend court in the past to reinstate reasonable contact and the judge ordered everything I had asked for.

Over the past three years since starting secondary school my daughter has become progressively more and more withdrawn to the extent when visiting she would immediately run to her room and distance herself from everyone else in the house. Her behavior has been appalling with stealing and lying becoming so commonplace it is impossible to know the truth from the lies. This behavior moved from an inconvenience to an extreme difficulty with her demonstrating practical hatred to everyone else in the house.

Over the years I have tried to appease her feelings and have given her every possible opportunity to express herself with endless love and affection. I have however also insisted that homework is done, rooms are left tidy and ensure that under my supervision she has undertaken basic responsibilities for herself (like the other children). This is not an average teenage angst though.

After a particularly traumatic visit it has now been a couple of months since she has been to my house and mimicking her mother she screams down the phone line whenever I try and call. Emails are ignored. Her mother wishes "to respect her wishes" and shows not a single shred of concern or remorse as she helps restriction of access in complete disregard to the court order.

My child is 14 years of age and I am told by my ex that essentially I have both mistreated her and effectively mentally scarred her. My ex has discussed my marriage being a particularly traumatic event for our daughter yet she was very happy and has never ever mentioned it being a problem at the time or subsequently.

There have been countless difficult episodes with me ex including where I have proven that our child has been taught to lie to me. This constant stream of harassment has on a couple of occasions made me loose my temper openly with my child witnessing much to my shame.

The question is - if my child is now 14 - how on earth can I reinstate contact especially after years of untruth and conflict? I feel very strongly that there is parental alienation at play and have memories of where my words and actions have been wholly twisted against me by my ex. I also have text messages and emails but piecing this together to show parental alienation is next to impossible. Even if contact is reinstated, if I am to be despised how can I ever make things better?

Is appealing at court for a breach of contact going to get me anywhere if my child has been repeatedly drilled that I am a horrible ogre? Is there anything I can do here or do I hope that when she is out of her teenage years she will remember everything we have done for her and try and reach out? Any advise much appreciated.

  • alreid1612
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26 Dec 20 #515153 by alreid1612
Reply from alreid1612
Just seen this and am sorry yo read it. I have the situation the other way round. My partner's daughter is with us and the ex husband alleges parental alienation.
It is an emotive subject. Easy to throw out and gets the social workers buzzing. however is is a really tricky subject. There is a really good case law judgement by Judge Bellamy on Child D in 2018 which I suggest you read.
Let me know if you can not find it.
good luck


  • Buster007
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30 Dec 20 #515180 by Buster007
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To be honest, it sounds like a slightly abnormal 14 year old, I have a similar problem except the other way round, my daughter wants nothing to do with her mother but causes me grieve to the utmost extent! I've got to the point of putting my life on hold for a couple of years!! I'm lucky and have another daughter who at 14 was a pain but by the time she was 16-17 she had settled and is a lovely young lady now.

Possible not what you want to hear but the harder you push the worse it gets, in my experience.

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