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Does anyone have experience of split residency?

  • sman08
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28 Feb 22 #518933 by sman08
Topic started by sman08
Hi, I am after some insight and advice on split residency. I am in the initial stages of divorce and we are still living in the same house. We have a just turned 4 year old daughter who i have been the primary caregiver for since birth. She attends pre school 3 days and 2 mornings per week, due to start school this September. I work part time on the 3 full days she is in pre school

My husband has always worked long hours, since covid and work from home, he is in his office at home from 7am through to almost 8pm 5 days a week. He works for himself so there is a degree of flexibility, however, he is 'unable' to take annual leave and throughout our 11 years together has been on his computer 5 days a week, including holidays and our honeymoon. This includes eating all 3 meals at his desk weekdays, unable to bath our daughter, take our daughter to or from pre school, play with her etc. Occasionally he can grab the odd 5 minutes with her during the day or do a pick up or drop off when I am unable too. At the weekend he is fully hands on, however I retain 99% of taking her to dance classes and birthday parties.

Now we are divorcing he has said he wants to do a 50:50 share, one week on and one week off. I have been reading up on this and speaking to my solicitor and from what I can see, a 4 year old is far too young to be going from one house to another each week. It appears she would thrive best with a routine and understanding of where 'home' is (whilst she would in any situation have two homes, there needs to be a feeling of belonging to a set home). I have also read that 7 days is far too long to be without her mother considering I am 99% her caregiver 5 days a week. She is quite a sensitive child, has never been with babysitters and is always 'mummy mummy'.

I understand the need for a child to have a good and close bond with their father upon divorce, but I simply do not feel comfortable with a 50:50 share being in her best interests at this age. As she gets older and can express herself properly, understand, and digest her thoughts and feelings I think this could change.

I can't see how I am going to get my husband to agree this, he is standing strong in his want for 50:50 - we haven't started mediation yet.

As such I am looking for anyone's experiences of a similar situation - good and bad - just so I can build a full picture from people who have lived through it and can share your pearls of wisdom.

Many thanks

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