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Advice please

  • abrandnewstart
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05 Oct 12 #359443 by abrandnewstart
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Hi there, I wonder if someone can please offer me some advice.
My ex and I have been seperated for 7 years divorced for 6 and I need some advive regarding our children and the Ex.
For years now my ex has manipulated the children with what can only be seen as imotional abuse, he has done this for years only now it''s getting to the point that i cannot allow the children to be put through it anymore, who/where would I turn to to discuss moving forward, I''m sure that the solicitor won''t be able to help and tbh it would just get the ex''s back up, I need help please and fast. :(Thank you in advance.

  • maisymoos
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05 Oct 12 #359447 by maisymoos
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Hi

How old are the children? Can you give a couple of examples of the type of behaviour by your ex that you are referring to?

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05 Oct 12 #359449 by abrandnewstart
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Hi there thank you for taking the time to reply.

My children are 12 and 15.

one example (quite recent) is that he blackmailed our child that he would tell her boyfriend that she had been hugging a boy from his estate (all normal teenage stuff for teenagers) if she was to see the child from his previous relationship, and also that he would tell me of something that had happened (private) but she had already told me. He says terrible things about me to the children amongst other things to which my daughter is now seeking therapy as it set off her OCD again (OCD with issues of guilt).
He sits and cries over the phone to the children then gets angry and abusive should they ever stand up to him.
today he is saying that our son has issues because he''s off school sick due to a tummy bug saying i have given him a phobia about sick, the list goes on, there are years of examples on my laptop and both children have had therapy over the years, i can''t sit and allow him to do this anymore! I never want the children to stop seeing their father but it has to stop but he manipulates the situation all the time and the kids and I end up wondering what actually just happened!
I just don''t know where to turn without rocking the boat, our daughter is in her last year of school and i''m worried for her. :(If you can offer some advice that would be wonderful, thank you.

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05 Oct 12 #359454 by maisymoos
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I am pleased the children are of an age where they can start to make decisions themselves, especially the 15 year old. Children aren''t daft and will form their own conclusions on what is happening.

Do they see their father regularly and are they happy to?

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05 Oct 12 #359455 by abrandnewstart
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Yes they see their father every other weekend and half of every holiday and our daughter lived with her father for nearly a year and returned back to me just recently due to the issues that we are having.
Although the children know that they don''t have to see him if they don''t want to, i have always encouraged them to and have never stopped it, but if they did choose to stop seeing him our daughter has already said that he would just keep calling and crying etc, again brings us back to the guilt problem of the OCD.
When the children had councelling previously it was noted that they were being put into situations where they were being emotionally manipulated and abused but all that they could do was give them methods of how to deal with it, as they are and never have been physically abused by either of us.
I think the problem is he has the issue with me...not our children it''s me, but he can''t emotionally blackmail me anymore so he''s doing it to the kids, i''m at my witts end as what to do now :(

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