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Should I ask dad to see the kids?

  • Sunshine10
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30 Mar 12 #320908 by Sunshine10
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He only left yesterday but the children are distraught. He rang them this afternoon, I didn''t speak with him but he told my son that he would arrange to see them next weekend (Easter). They thought they would see him this weekend. My little girl is really feeling it, she told him she was ''ok now'' but told me she wasn''t. I gave her a book to write her questions in for dad, which she has done. Since she got in from school she hasn''t left my side and even didn''t want to play with her friend next door which is unheard of.
Should I send him a text and suggest he comes see them? I can''t avoid him if I do. Or should I just leave it and see if he makes an effort (which I very much doubt).
I don''t think I should see him but I think they should. I don''t have family near and I have only told two people so far so I don''t think I could get anyone to sit with them until he arrived. I could just try and fill the day with things for the three of us to do.

  • mumtoboys
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30 Mar 12 #320913 by mumtoboys
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maybe a text along the lines of ''the children are really missing you. If you could find some time to take them out this weekend, I think they would appreciate it'' and then leave it to him to get back in touch with you?

It''s very hard to balance your need for some space and time to get your head round things and for the children who inevitably need to see both their parents and will be seeking reassurance.

Are your children young? It is normal to be a bit clingy when you first separate - keep reassuing them that you both love them and that although things will change, that doesn''t change how you both feel about them.

Ultimately, my mantra is that I am not responsible for my ex''s relationship with his children. I can''t force him to see them or support them or be honest with them. But I can be entirely honest in how I go about things, learn to keep my anger, distress and upset to myself, remember that I chose to marry him and have children with him and that I now have to live with the consequences of that :silly:

  • blonde cazza
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30 Mar 12 #320920 by blonde cazza
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I found it handy when i seperated to get my ex to buy my son a teddy...that worked xx

  • Sunshine10
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30 Mar 12 #320943 by Sunshine10
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My little girl asked me when I put her to bed to tell daddy when he called ''Goodnight and I miss him.'' Went to check on the kids in bed about an hour ago and she had text her dad. She wrote ''Why did you leave? I miss you''. I just went up and she is asleep and he hasn''t replied. I''m sure he''ll think its me putting her up to it. I had no idea. was going to tell him but thought better of it.
Bless her, I love her, wish I could give her an answer and do hope he feels really bad. Not sure he will even know who its from, but hope he feels really bad when he realises its from his seven year old daughter.
Probably hasn''t realised he even has a text, likely he is in a bar somewhere and can''t hear.

  • Reddit
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30 Mar 12 #320951 by Reddit
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Bless you sunshine.
When I moved out (I didn''t know any better at the time) I called every day. For lack of engagement this has fallen back to weekly when I don''t see my kids and it is hard work. I got them mobiles on contract so they could contact me. When i see them the mobiles come so their mum can contact them constantly. When they go "home" the mobiles are quarantined. Its tough being an NRP.

  • MissTish1
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31 Mar 12 #320963 by MissTish1
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I feel for you. This is such a difficult time. I remember when my ex left my boys were 8 and 12. My youngest was heartbroken, absolutely worshipped his dad (they both did). So, I did ask my ex to come and see them, every day, and asked him to have them at the weekends. He did, and as time went on it got easier. But, it worked because neither my ex or I wanted the kids to miss out, so we made damned sure they didn''t.

I do hope your ex takes you up on seeing your kids, its important he does, and if you can maintain contact on a ''whenever they want'' basis, I can guarantee that you children will heal, and will grow up well adjusted and well balanced. They need you both in their lives.

Stay strong, you''ll get there x

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