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posted this here as the title says it all???

  • perin123
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13 Apr 12 #323466 by perin123
Topic started by perin123
So I have posted this here as the section is "parental responsibility".

Now my understanding of that is, you bring a child into the world, so you are responsible for them until they are an adult (18)????

Apparently not if you leave to be with another woman???

My ex has informed our son that the reason he does not pay any maintenance is cos he has no money. So where does this none existent money come from when our son goes over and is taken out all over and bought all sorts? Where does it come from to pay the rent?food?clothes?bills?booze?cigarettes? etc.........

Then he tells my son there is no reason that I can''t go to work full time so I have enough money to pay for everything!!!

I give up, this "man" is completely devoid of all responsibility, and narcissist doesn''t even come close..

Trouble is my son just doesn''t understand, and just sees going to dads is ace cos he spoils him and takes him out and has fun, whereas boring mum can''t afford to buy all these things and go out all the time, and nags him to do his homework and tidy his room, and lets face it what child wants to go shopping for boring clothes when days out are on offer at dads.....


  • greebobeebo
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13 Apr 12 #323479 by greebobeebo
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What you have to remember is that YOU are his constant, You are there when he''s upset, you are there if he wakes in the night from a bad dream.

Your ex is buying your son because he thinks that will work. Eventually your son will realise what a dork his Dad is and accept all that is given and probably not love him for it.

My son doesn''t see his father at all, but he does pay maintenance, the grand total of £6 a week.

I have a happy healthy child, who has his grumpy moments, but I know he will always love me no matter what

  • perin123
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13 Apr 12 #323480 by perin123
Reply from perin123
Thanks Greeb love your picture!

I wish my son didn''t see his father, how awful is that to say, I never thought I would even think it. But he has never been there for him, has said some awful things to him, and now is just buying his way back into his good books. I could scream.:woohoo:

  • Nanny18
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13 Apr 12 #323502 by Nanny18
Reply from Nanny18
Yes we do have to put up with the strops and the moods.
Its a long hard slog but it is worth it in the end.
The kids do realise who was there for them all the time and they do see through the buying of affection.

I had a similar rant on here at xmas when he turned up with an ipad and a top of the range sat nav. One present each while i had to make it look like they had loads. The kids understood how early i had started getting them and it was really appreciated.
His presents weren''t the highlight of xmas it was an x-box game they played on for 3 days together.

So from someone that knows, once the kids finally see through them they do remember the past as well and everything just clicks.
Hang in there.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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13 Apr 12 #323531 by MrsMathsisfun
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My sons father did pay maintenance but it was still a major stuggle financially.

My boys understood that both their parents tried to do the best for them. Yes that meant dad went on the holidays abroad with them and mum did the day to day stuff.

My daughter father doesnt pay maintenance. I earn loads more than him and he cant afford to pay but still tries his best when daughter with him.

All three of my children are well adjusted and benefited from having good relationships with both their parents. Its just not about money.

  • sillywoman
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13 Apr 12 #323548 by sillywoman
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No its not all about money, but Perin doesn''t get a get a penny child maintenance towards her sons day to day living expenses, but the father is able to spoil him rotten when he sees him.

There is no fairness here Perin, but you have a choice, either end up bitter and twisted and allowing your ex and his girlfriend to send you crackers or accept that your ex is a complete wa**** and use him to your advantage, i.e. get your boy to ask him for stuff he needs, i.e. shoes, trainers, football boots etc.

Use the time your son is with his father on ME TIME - bubble bath, long walk in the countryside, go swimming, stuff that is cheap or free that makes you feel good.

At the end of the day material stuff is just that and is worthless, relaxation, enjoying beauty outside is worth so much more.

I read something Mel B wrote the other day about revenge, she said "make yourself bloody hot hot hot" - so concentrate on you and making yourself gorgeous!

And remember you have your son, he doesn''t and sooner rather than later your son will also see what a waste of space that man is and will feel sorry for him.

  • BoysMum
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13 Apr 12 #323564 by BoysMum
Reply from BoysMum

I am raising my children alone, and I also don''t get a penny in Child Support. I know how hard, and frustrating it is. My ex jets in and out of the country on a monthly basis, wears expensive clothes, but has no money?

He chooses not to have contact, so at least I don''t have to deal with him ''buying them''.

However, like everyone has said, you have the greatest gift of all. You get to see your child every morning when he wakes up. You get to snuggle on the sofa and watch films together. These things, money cannot buy. Rise above it, as hard as it is, what goes comes around. I bet your ex doesn''t have enough money to buy the relationship that you and your child have together.

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