A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

should I be annoyed!

  • mart1968
  • mart1968's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326973 by mart1968
Topic started by mart1968
Should I be pi55ed off about this!
I have my kids nearly every weekend, But kids being kids they often forget stuff.
I am of the opinion that kids should be able to come and go from their own home, pretty much as they wish. My kids are 13 and 14.
Normally we phone or text ''mum'' to check it''s ok to drop by and pick up what ever. But today got no answer,so stopped by anyway. (only about 5mins by car).
She was obviously in with a male ''friend''.(car on the drive, another story!) The door was locked from the inside. and no answer at the door! This was early afternoon so not an unreasonable hour.
Nearly every weekend she gets rid of our kids, feels like they are not allowed home unless it''s ok with mum.
This just feels so''wrong'' to me.
If only she could come true and just say, I am entertaining this weekend and would appreciate some space. Think it may help if she were to admit this guy existed!
Sorry if this seems like a rant..

  • Shezi
  • Shezi's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
28 Apr 12 #326975 by Shezi
Reply from Shezi
I can understand how this makes you feel...

I have to say though, there are two sides to this and I don''t think she is being unreasonable either. In an ideal world she would play this the way you would like her to but it isn''t, and she isn''t. She''s following her own programme.

If she hasn''t yet admitted this guy exists then I doubt she''d be comfortable about saying to you that she''s entertaining. It''s a nice arrangement you have - for the chidren - that you can casually call at her home for stuff. This may not continue indefinitely though if she wants more privacy.

I think it''s more than fair to feel annoyed and glad you feel you can offload it here - but no, I don''t thinks she''s being unreasonable. I think she''s simply making the most of her ''adult time''.

Shezi

  • mart1968
  • mart1968's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326978 by mart1968
Reply from mart1968
Thanks Shezi :)

I guess my thinking is if we were together the kids would have this freedom.
When you have kids you do loose some of your ''adult time''.but that is a big part of being a parent!
I guess this could all be part of her wanting the divorce. But also feels like she doesn''t always want the kids.
If you are a parent,in my opinion you should always be available for your kids...
My kids come first. Part of the reason I have done my best to be amicable. It''s not always in my favour, but if the kids can remain happy, it''s for the best..Makes me feel a better person.

  • Shezi
  • Shezi's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
28 Apr 12 #326980 by Shezi
Reply from Shezi
I would agree with you Martra. I would also say that I learned more about my ex in divorce than I had ever learned about him in marriage.. including the type of parent he was.

Having said that, since we were on opposing sides (i.e. not together), I''m pretty sure he would say I was a lousy parent! :ohmy:

I guess I always try to see both sides these days but I don''t think I had that ability when divorcing.

Your ex will have different views on parenting than you do - it''s not in your interests to compare your views and styles - it will drive you crazy! I would try to limit the impact of the things she does that irritate you and not waste energy on trying to get her to stop them :)

Shezi

  • WhiteRose
  • WhiteRose's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
28 Apr 12 #326982 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi Martra,

Was it arranged that the kids should be at yours the time you called round, or was the decision to go to the house made ad hoc?

If the kids were due home, they should be able to have access.

If they were not expected and they should have been at yours, then yes, any spur of the moment visits should be avoided.

WR

  • mumtoboys
  • mumtoboys's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326983 by mumtoboys
Reply from mumtoboys
when you say the door was locked from the inside, how do you know that? is there a bolt or something preventing the children getting in? I presume they have keys and tried to enter but didn''t manage it?

I ask because a car on the driveway isn''t necessarily a sign you''re at home. My nearest supermarket is a 10 minute walk away so if I only need a few things, I walk rather than take the car - so it would look like I was in when I''m not. I don''t have internal bolts so the children could, if old enough, come and go as they pleased but to be honest, I wouldn''t expect my ex to turn up on the doorstep and encourage them to enter with their keys without me first having agreed it. It feels like you''re somehow trying to catch me out. It''s fine for the children - it''s their home - but with the ex on the doorstep aswell? how would you feel if the tables were turned and she stood there and encouraged the children to enter after she''d tried to get hold of you but you hadn''t responded?

  • mart1968
  • mart1968's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
28 Apr 12 #326987 by mart1968
Reply from mart1968
The door is not able to be unlocked from the outside when the key inside is left in. No other exit from the property. So they have to be in.
See no reason why text or phone call could not be replied to.
She does work from home as a beautician, so all she had to say was it was inconvenient as she was working, and we would have not troubled her..
Would have preferred this so I didn''t know who she was with..
They were not due home at that time, but my son had something he really wanted to pick up.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11