A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Any thoughts?

  • teecher
  • teecher's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
08 May 12 #329326 by teecher
Topic started by teecher
Just wondering-if you (either gender) turn your back on your children and walk away, do you ever have regrets about the hurt you cause your kids?:S

  • fairylandtime
  • fairylandtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
08 May 12 #329332 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
(((hugs))) teach

I don''t think they do, but then sometimes wonder if it is not better for an x to walk away than to stay, see the children only when it suits them, break all manor of promises, take them drinking (illegally I might add), don''t provide the home from home cos you cannot even be bothered to buy them socks!!! Etc etc as the RP it can be heartbreaking to see your kids hurt time & time again & to have to try & pick up the pieces, & see your kids defend & try to nderstnad why they are being treated like this.

Sorry, perhaps a bit bitter, but in case like this perhaps it would be better if the NRP did walk away - never never thought I would say that as I have tried & tried to defend x & keep contact going but there is only so much one can take plus think it is going to hit the fan again this week & I will be left to pick up the pices yet again.

As the RP you just have to do the best that you can - & I know you do but yes it hurts & no I don''t think we can ever understand the reasons why.

Stay strong
JJx

  • Mitchum
  • Mitchum's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
08 May 12 #329338 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
I''ve never really understood how some people seem to divorce their children too. They walk away from their children too. Yet time and again on wiki we read of parents fighting desperately to stay in the lives of their children.

I imagine there are many shades of meaning to regretting leaving but I would say that some leavers never regret their actions. Others may in time realise what fools they''ve been and it may by then be too late; the ones who stayed the course to prove their love for their chidren have no cause for regret as they did their utmost to be the best parent they could be, or were allowed to be under the circumstances.

Sorry you''re still suffering with this. Take care of yourself. xx

  • insane
  • insane's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
08 May 12 #329341 by insane
Reply from insane
teecher i think most of the users here wouldnt walk away from there kids... as these type of people are selfish inconsiderate uncaring vermin i wouldnt expect to find them on a website that offers help or support to others. my experience showed me he wasnt interested in anyone but himself and has no idea and i doubt ever will have of the pain and hurt caused to others then or now with his continuous uncaring selfish attitude

  • flowerofscotland
  • flowerofscotland's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
09 May 12 #329354 by flowerofscotland
Reply from flowerofscotland
Hi teecher,

Two people said to me recently, that my STBX would not be able to lead the life he chooses to lead should he still have part responsibility for his children. He is off leading a life that he lead pre-marriage and one that he never really grew up from. (Mid-life crisis that was always there).

Initially I forced him to have the children every other weekend, but as he was only ''renting'' a room in a colleagues flat, my children found that it became too much for them. Since they have both chosen of their own free wills to have no contact with their Dad, as my thread of last night explains only one of the reasons why, he has taken every opportunity to slate me, condemn me that it is my fault I have turned the children against him. No I have not, and both the children and I know that, he just finds it easier to blame me, the bitter and twisted wife as he refers to me, how nice!

For all who have followed my story and the type of character my STBX is, regardless of his actions and how he has hurt us all, there is never a day goes by that I do not encourage the children to make contact. They point blank refuse. As my youngest says "Mum we, his family came as a package". His actions and blatant continuation of doing what he wants, feeding his hobbies, friends and work agendas, always took priority for him.

Sometimes I think some men and women, as much as they love the idea initially of being parents, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, they just can not handle the responsibilities that go along with it. As they say there is no manual dished out at the maternity ward.

I know deep down my STBX would love to see his children and I hope, one day, that they between them can restore their relationship but only if it does not come in the way of his social life!

Sometimes I think that in the long run, if the children are happier then you have to leave them be. Fortunately, my children have had the opportunity to tell the Court how they feel and because of their ages, their wishes have been granted.

I often look at the ''promotional'' element of my STBX''s hobby that is constantly plastered all over the internet and think that my two friends were right, even if he was still in the children''s lives, would it still all be about him and not what is best for the kids? At least being where they are happiest, there is nothing I will not stop at to maintain it after all they have been through!

Take care for now FoS x

  • NewHorizons
  • NewHorizons's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
11 May 12 #329901 by NewHorizons
Reply from NewHorizons
In my case,I''m quite certain that ex will not have regrets.

Over the years and with differenct fiances(ok, he married the third, four years ago) contact broke down as he was too busy.

19 months ago he moved away.

He saw the children twice last year, and once, so far, this year. Last year there was three phone calls, this year one. No card or phone calls for birthdays and daughter was 18 this year.

What bugs me, is not the fact that he chooses not to be responsible or take an interest. I''ve accepted that over the eight years. But when he does see them he cries, sobs, weeps and wails about how much he loves them and misses them. My youngest, at 13 and daughter come back home devastated. He takes them to the cinema, so there''s very little interaction anyway (and I have to contribute for them to go...).

If a parent chooses to behave like this, surely a hug and a kiss, and a ''that was a great evening. Lovely to see you and look forward to doing that again soon'',with a smile rather than a drama be kinder?

Sadder still is that my lot knows he does travel up quite regularly to collect his wife''s daughter from uni and bring her back. The university is 10 miles away from us.

Sorry to go off topic.

I just know that my ex is very happy in his new life. And it is good to know that and I can remind the children that their Dad is happy. I don''t begrudge his happiness (honest) I just wish he could behave honestly when he does choose to give the children a couple of hours of his time.

  • Patrick1968
  • Patrick1968's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
15 May 12 #330692 by Patrick1968
Reply from Patrick1968
I know two men who are fathers who have no contact with their children. The first one is a regular guy got married young and had a daughter with his wife. It went pear shaped and his wife denied all contact. The just didn''t get a long and married in teh late 1960''s. In an effort to bring them closer they had a daughter. Once he was denied access she moved away and that was that. I think there maybe more to it than that but but he''s a stand up bloke (to me at least)and is gutted thats how it panned out.

The other is the bf of my ex-sister in law. This is the bloke who started playing away when his second wife had breast cancer. He has an 18 year old son who he has never seen.

I think some people do walk and feel nothing but I think that generally those people to me at least are sc8m. Your children come before everything.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11