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Non-resident parent rights?

  • dippydappy
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28 May 12 #333518 by dippydappy
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Hi, I''m new today and hope you can help me.

A year ago I made the worst decision of my life and left my husband and children. He wouldn''t leave and I just needed to get away. I have regreted my decision every day since :(

I live two minutes away from them at the moment. The kids live with my ex-husband during the week and I have them most, if not all weekends.

I am currently being shot down on every forum I have visited and all I want is some advice, I feel bad enough.

My ex has told me that he is moving 15-20 miles away with the kids and taking them out of school to a new school. I have been told (not by him) that he has already put the school transition forms in, got the school references and forms signed. I have had no say in this at all or was even aware that this is what was going to happen until the ball had already started rolling. I have no idea where the new schools are or what they are like.

I have no issues with him moving, as he was originally looking in the local area for a bigger place as he''s moving in with his new partner also. I am pleased for them to move on and for the kids to be in a stable home. I am, however, really upset now that he is moving so far away and taking them out of school a month before the end of the academic year. Plus he has told me that one or both of them might not have school places at all.

As it stands at the moment is that if the kids ask to see me, I am round there in 5 minutes, I live and work a few roads away. Where they are moving to is a 1.5 hour round trip drive and so ad-hoc nights and unplanned visits will no longer be possible.

I really don''t want to cause grief for them, as I think his new parter is a really good influence on the kids, as is my partner when they are with us. BUT, I can''t see them moving so far away, it would be the end of me, seriously. It''s bad enough what I''ve done in the first place and now I feel as though I''m going to lose them forever (sounding a bit dramatic, I know, but I feel our relationship will never be the same). I really want him to continue with his plan of moving locally. Their schools will not be disrupted, they won''t lose and have to find new friends. They will live near their nan (who''s in her 80''s and has no form of transport to get to where they''re going) and their sister, my eldest who doesn''t drive and would have to take two trains and would take a couple of hours to get there.

Could anyone advise me please?

Thanks,

DD

  • Fiona
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28 May 12 #333524 by Fiona
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Generally speaking there is nothing to stop a parent with the majority of care for children moving in the UK and 15-20 miles isn''t that far. Having Parental Responsibility means you have certain rights to carry out your responsibility such as to be consulted about important education decisions. If the children spend an equal or almost equal number of nights with each parent it my be possible to argue it would be less disruptive to children to schooling and established relationships if the children stay with you.

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28 May 12 #333525 by dippydappy
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Fiona wrote:

Having Parental Responsibility means you have certain rights to carry out your responsibility such as to be consulted about important education decisions.


Hi Fiona and thank you for your response.

If one or both of the children do not have schools in the new area, then my ex would have to ensure that he gets them to the school they are at here at the moment to avoid fines and legal action.

I am worried that they will be sat at home doing nothing if they don''t have a school. Surely this is something that I would have some say over wouldn''t I?

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28 May 12 #333528 by WYSPECIAL
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Hi,

is there any reason why the children couldn''t live with you during the week and attend their current schools?

Could you suggest that to your ex?

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28 May 12 #333530 by dippydappy
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I will certainly suggest that, I would love that. He keeps telling me that I abandoned them (which I feel I did), albeit have tried to spend as much time with them as he''d allow. He tells me that he''s the resident parent and he is in charge of all the decisions and I have to go with what he decides. Between us, we have a 20 year old child and the two younger, 9 and 7 year olds and I feel as though I''ve just given my life up.

I am meeting with him tomorrow to discuss and I want to go armed with suggestions and ideas that the kids might like. I want the kids to be happy and whatever they want to do is what I will go with and hopefully so would he. But I''d feel awful asking the kids and putting that decision on them.

  • sexysadie
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28 May 12 #333535 by sexysadie
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You did not abandon the children and it is outrageous of him to say that you did. He does not have the right to take all the decisions.

You can''t ask the kids to decide but it would be reasonable for you to have them live with you and go to their current schools at least until they have new school places.

Best wishes,
Sadie

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28 May 12 #333538 by WYSPECIAL
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dippydappy wrote:

I will certainly suggest that, I would love that. He keeps telling me that I abandoned them (which I feel I did), albeit have tried to spend as much time with them as he''d allow. He tells me that he''s the resident parent and he is in charge of all the decisions and I have to go with what he decides. Between us, we have a 20 year old child and the two younger, 9 and 7 year olds and I feel as though I''ve just given my life up.

I am meeting with him tomorrow to discuss and I want to go armed with suggestions and ideas that the kids might like. I want the kids to be happy and whatever they want to do is what I will go with and hopefully so would he. But I''d feel awful asking the kids and putting that decision on them.


You left him not the kids. If you are able to house them then it makes sense for them to stay at their current school at least until they have a place at a new school. You could seek a court order to prevent him changing their schools.

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