I was married 10 years and had 3 children with my ex husband, we have been divorced 4 years now.
Last week my ex took our children on holiday to a beautiful big holiday home in the country, the first night (at 3am)I recieved a txt from my daughter, scared and asking to be picked up (she is 10). I phoned her and spoke to her and her step mum and her step mum reassured me she would sleep in the kids room and look after them as my ex had gone a bit mad. I was obviously very worried but couldn''t pick the kids up as I have no car and it was miles away. I rang the next day to check all was okay, they had all settled and things seemed to be better.
When they came home I found out the whole story...
Their dad (my ex) seemed to have thrown some kind of wobbler and made the kids pack up all their stuff and he was going to drive them all home at 3am but when he got half way down the road he realised he had no petrol and started crying and had to turn back.
When they arrived home a week later my son (13) showed me this ceramic bottle and said it was a souvenir from the holiday, I found out that he had taken it from the house and later found out that his father had taken some headphones that belonged to the house too..I was unhappy about this and my ex then bombarded me with awful txt''s calling me names and telling me to ''wise up'' etc..he then came to pick up our son and carried on with the txt''s for the whole of the next day saying I had to apologise to my son...My ex told my son he could steal that ceramic bottle and has been sending harrasing txt''s...I feel deflated and hurt by both.
I would say to your son, that you know that you haven''t been brought up like that (that steeling is ok) & it is not ok. If it were me I would also send back the bottle to the place they stayed if I could. ... But that''s me.
As for your x, if the children were upset that they were away from mum he could have (in frustration) said he was taking them home, set off etc etc. not saying at all that this is a right thing to do, but can on some level understand it.
As for the headphones he took & the knowledge he has that son stole also, basically he has been caught out, it is an irresponsible thing to do & as a father he should know better. Offence is these line of defence they say, hence the texts ect to you. One text sating that it was 1) a wrong thing to do, 2) not a good role model for son, 3) stop harassing me for your failings.
As for "wishing up" that''s for him to do, be a responsible dad & don''t teach your children to disrespect others & their property, cost is not an issue, the fact that it happened in the first place is wrong.
Thanks for your reply fairylandtime.
Once I found out that the ceramic bottle was stolen I told my son that he had to write a letter to the owners explaining what he had done and apologize and we would send the bottle back with the letter, he was adamant that he wouldn''t do this so I said that we would drive there and hand it in, I gave him 2 options basically...hand it in or write a letter.
He then rang his dad and his dad picked him up, my son left without saying goodbye and then I got a bombardment of texts.
The week he had him at his place he kept him off school and didn''t contact the school to let them know so I had to.
My ex told me I had to apologize to my son for making him feel humiliated!!
I havn''t apologized, I still believe it is my ex''s fault.
When my ex came to collect my sons clothes he shouted at me in the street, called me a stupid f***ing b**ch (which both my daughters heard) I have asked him to stop swearing at me via txt but he told me I was a d**k head...humph, I wish something could be done about his behaviour..he causes so much emotional upset to all of us.
Know in a way how you feel as mine are teenagers, dropped oldest on a school night at dad who preceded to "have a pint & chin wag" with him!!! On a school night.
With mine there is always the worry that they will move to dads if "I" do something they don''t like, but tbh it''s been 2 years now, have had the treat from both that they are moving to dads & with the last threat from my yongest I was ready (very ready) to say "ok I will help you pack & take you" but it didn''t happen.
Really not sure what you can do, your son has to learn in his own time that it is wrong, he will, but at 13 they are rebelling & dad seems to be happily facilitating this ( perhaps seeing it as "their" connection ?) two musketeers against mum, not nice but does happen.
I would if your son was mine, again reiterate that in your opinion what he did was wrong, steeling is steeling, you would like to send it back but if he doesn''t then that is his choice, just know that I don''t agree with your choice. & leave it at that.
As for your x not much you can do, I would block the number (warn him beforehand) but say if you cannot speak to me in a civil manner then I am blocking the number.
There is of course the court route but you may not want to go down that one.
My x use to be unreasonably strict with our 2 but the since the divorce, now he says nothing (I ask what did dad say ... Oh nowt), all things change sometimes for the better other times not.
Good luck with your son, my yongest needed counselling due to the divorce, went through hell with school & holes in walls. He is still a bit of a time bomb but he is a lot better now & we do tak, as much at teenagers do.