A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Ex expects me to provide childcare for him too?

  • abrandnewstart
  • abrandnewstart's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
07 Jun 12 #335567 by abrandnewstart
Topic started by abrandnewstart
Please can someone offer me advice? My ex and I have been divorced now for over 6 years we have an agreement that during the school holidays we take care of the children for half the holidays each, the thing is although my ex chooses what days in the holiday that he has them he constantly asks to change the days with me and if I can''t due to work (I plan my work around when he has them)he leaves them alone, he is now saying he is in the area tmrw and will just leave them at my house despite me being at work and not returning until 6pm or he will leave them at his house again and I will have to travel to collect from his. Where do I stand on this? i''m sick to death of arranging my work around him, I have a job to hold down too! :-(
Please can some one help me? My children are 12 and 14.
Thank you.

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
07 Jun 12 #335586 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
How long would they be left alone? Do they have a key to get in?

At twelve and fourteen your children would probably be able to look after themselves for an afternoon or even for a day if you left them something for lunch. You would need to speak to them about it in advance, though, and make sure they were happy with it and knew what to do in an emergency.

To be honest, given the age of your children it isn''t going to be a problem for much longer. If their main base is with you they will be happier at your place even on their own than hanging around at his in the same situation.

Your best bet long term is probably to put safeguards in place (them having your mobile number, spare key with neighbour, people they can go to if worried) so that they can stay at home alone safely while you are at work. That way he can''t play games with you any more.

Best wishes,

  • Emma8485
  • Emma8485's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
07 Jun 12 #335591 by Emma8485
Reply from Emma8485
Hi my eldest quite frequently comes home on her own - she is very responsible, ahs all the numbers, can even turn the burglar alarm off now.

I dont generally leave her for more than half a day at the moment, but she is 13 on tuesday and then I will probably allow her a little longer if needed. Sometimes its cos I am working, or going to visit relatives which she finds incredibly boring!

If there are two of them as well, they are likely to be ok.


  • redwine47
  • redwine47's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
08 Jun 12 #335622 by redwine47
Reply from redwine47
You will be surprised just how much your children can cope when they have to.

This time last year my mum was ill, I was on call 24 hours day and at times needed at hospital in middle of night . To late to get cover and having to go to work inbetween.

My son was 11 nearly 12 then and although I had people looking in on him he was able to get on with homework, heat up food and get himself off to bed.... Some mite think he was too young but I had no option at the time.

I am not one for boasting but when it mattered he certainly excelled when his father the stbx should have stepped in but was otherwise engaged.!!

I still tell my child him how proud I am of him during a difficult time ... And he spoke at my mum''s funeral wee pet (his request) !!.....

It does depend on individual child''s maturity... If yours are gd age. Much as it should be your ex''s responsibility it will be less stressful if you sort out yourself without ex''s help.

Best wishes x

  • abrandnewstart
  • abrandnewstart's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
08 Jun 12 #335627 by abrandnewstart
Reply from abrandnewstart
Thank you for all of your help, I know that he can do what he likes due to the ages of the children, it just frustrates me so much that if I was to do the same that he would make my life more hell than he already does.
In an ideal world he would just leave me the heck alone and let us all get on with our lives but for some reason he either can''t or won''t and after 6 years it''s starting to wear a bit thin :(
Thanks everyone for letting me have a vent....until next time ;)

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11