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Whats in a name?

  • madaboutcars
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21 Jun 12 #338105 by madaboutcars
Topic started by madaboutcars
My daughter calls my ex wifes partner Daddy. Too be honest, I do not have an issue with this as my ex has a son (aged 4) with her partner and I just assumed that my daughter has just got used to hearing her brother say it and has done the same. It seems easier for daughter to call us both daddy (Ex wifes partner has been around since daughter was 6mths old)

Last night my daughter told my wife that she looks like "Daddy" and when my wife got into a conversation about it, daughter was not referring to me but to the ex wifes boyfriend!!

Also, in the last few weeks when i ring daughter to say goodnight on non contact days, she calls me by my first name and not Daddy.

My dilemma is - ex wife has a history of trying to eliminate me from daughters life in one way or another and Im worried that ex is now "implying" that boyfriend is daughters "daddy".

Previous SS reports have noted that daughter refers to boyfriend as daddy and me by my first name

Im not sure if this is the ex slowely slowely trying to brainwash my daughter (I use that word loosely)

Daughter is nearly 8
Any advice..............

  • maisymoos
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21 Jun 12 #338127 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
I really feel for you. This just doesnt seem right. I would suggest speaking to your daughter about why she''s stopped calling you Dad. If that''s what you wish to be called I would hope she would accept that. I suppose it''s up to your daughter what she calls your exs partner but it should not be for your ex to dictate what she calls you.

Names quickly stick though so I would try and get on top of it quick. You could try and explain to you daughter that you are her father and fathers are normally called "dad" and thats what you would like.

  • Deedum
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21 Jun 12 #338146 by Deedum
Reply from Deedum
I wonder if this is due to a comment someone else has made about your daughter looking like this man (in her presence).

I know when I was with my ex husband many people assumed that my daughter was his and even complete strangers would say that she looked like him.

  • jslgb
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21 Jun 12 #338169 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
My stbxh''s first wife told their daughter to call the new partner daddy. It was very hurtful at the time and coincided with the first wife finding out she was pregnant to her new partner but most of all it was very confusing to my step daughter. She was around 6 or 7 at the time. We sat her down several times and tried to explain the situation but it was often lost on her. Reality is she spent most of her time with this man and under her mums influence. She never referred to my stbxh as his name and usually referred to the other man by his first name in our presence, but occasionally slipped up which upset her dad. In addition to this, when first wife announced her engagement my step-daughter was told she would be changing her surname too. Something my stbxh would not agree to and again we had to have the conversation. Step daughter got upset at her mums wedding because everyone in her new family would have the same last name and she wouldnt, but once i explained before i married her dad i had a different name she accepted it a bit more.

Its a difficult situation. As parents you expect both mum and dad to do the right thing and in most cases it becomes a battle. All you can do is sit your daughter down and explain the situation to her, tell her your happy she calls new partner daddy but you are daddy first and foremost and she should call you daddy. Ask her why she still calls her mum ''mummy'' and compare it and see how she feels about it.

Good luck

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