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Is this acceptable

  • Confuzzled
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30 Jun 12 #340039 by Confuzzled
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My ex emailed me today saying our youngest child told him that my boyfriend was going to kill him (the ex)one day. My boyfriend denies saying this, I''ve told my ex and he says he thinks my boyfriend is emotionally and mentally abusing our son. I think my son has made this up and I can''t believe my boyfriend would say such a thing to my son. Ex says my son tells him that my boyfriend shouts at him all the time and punishes him. (not physically - removing toys, time out etc).. and he wants me to sort it out so our child feels ''safe'' at my home. I am not sure what I am supposed to sort.. My son doesn''t always tell the truth and can be a bit of a whinger.. and I feel he is playing us off against each other. He knows the triggers.

  • rubytuesday
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30 Jun 12 #340043 by rubytuesday
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How old is your son, how long have you been separated from your x2b and with your new partner?

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30 Jun 12 #340063 by Confuzzled
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Son is seven separated 5 yrs been with partner 3 years. Not good relationship with ex, but who does?

  • WhiteRose
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30 Jun 12 #340064 by WhiteRose
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Has your son admitted saying these things to you?

Perhaps a gentle chat directly to the son, then involve your boyfriend in the chat, so each can say their piece in the same conversation, so nothing gets twisted or misunderstood.

Its not worth being angry or cross with your son, there may be reasons why he is making stuff up.

WR

  • MrsMathsisfun
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30 Jun 12 #340066 by MrsMathsisfun
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Could the child have heard something in the heat of the moment without your BF realising he is there?

At least you have a good enough relationship with the ex that he could tell you what your son is saying about the bf.

Imagine how the father would feel if the child was saying such things and he couldnt discuss the situation with you to find out whether the statement had been said or made up.

  • jslgb
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30 Jun 12 #340069 by jslgb
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Mathis, i dont think it comes across as a good relationship with the ex at all, it reads quite a bitter and demanding exchange to me. He doesnt seem to be seeking an explanation or quietly discussing the matter, he''s making accusations and telling her to ''sort it''. Not really a good relationship there!!

I agree that this may have been overheard. I know in the heat of the moment things can be said when tensions are running high! It shouldnt happen but given the way the email comes across from the ex there is clearly no love lost.

Confuzzled, have you discussed this with your son? Maybe you just need to reiterate the rules in your home and explain why your partner behaves the way he does re removing toys etc. Children sometimes struggle to accept discipline from third parties and this may be the reason for the accusations he is making. Is it possible that you deal with discipline for a while to try and diffuse the situation?

All the best

  • happyagain
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30 Jun 12 #340071 by happyagain
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jslgb - the ex is not making accusations, he is merely repeating what has been said to him. There is a difference, but I have to say that many ex partners would have reacted in a much more extreme way to these kinds of comments from a child so perhaps it is to his credit that he hasn''t?
Children don''t always tell the truth but if the situation were reversed, I am sure that any of us would want our minds putting at rest. The only way to do this, I''m afraid, is to bring it to the attention of the other parent.
I am sure a chat with your son about this will make him see sense.

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