A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

PR and judgement....

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Aug 12 #350196 by jslgb
Topic started by jslgb
What happens if you dont trust your ex''s judgement with regards to caring for your child?

I have read numerous posts where people aren''t happy with who their children are being left with during the other parents contact. The answer tends to be that both parents have PR and it is up to them to decide who the children spend their time with.

Whilst my stbxh doesnt necessarily leave my daughter with anyone else, i feel he exercises very poor judgement when it comes to supervising her. Before now he has left her to play out on the street in front of his house with just OW''s 11 year old to supervise her. Today stbxh took her swimming with her elder half sister (9) and OW''s 2 boys (8 & 11). My daughter (5) was left to change and shower, then shower, wash her hair and change back with just her 9 year old sister supervising her - if she was even supervising her at all.

I am really not happy with this. I know from experience that my daughter struggles to wash her hair after swimming, and isnt really responsible enough at 5 to get herself ready without at least someone watching her. In addition to this there is nothing to say she might not walk out into the swimming pool and end up out of her depth in the water whilst she waits for her dad, be left in the changing room with undesirables or something untoward happen when she leaves the changing rooms to find her dad in a building that she doesnt know.
She also mentioned she was left under the eldest boys care for a considerable amount of time in a restaurant whilst her dad dealt with the youngest boy who appears to have behaviour issues and made himself sick!

I''m very concerned that my stbxh thinks a 9 or an 11 year old is sufficient supervision for our 5 year old daughter. Any suggestions on how to move forward with this? Talking to him will get me nowhere!!

  • pixy
  • pixy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Aug 12 #350202 by pixy
Reply from pixy
Are you absolutely sure? My local swimming pool won''t allow one adult to supervise 4 children.

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Aug 12 #350203 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Yes, absolutely sure.

OW was at work most of the day so it was just the 4 children and my stbxh.

Also, OW''s youngest boy is quite naughty, frequently swears and has kicked my daughter in the head and stomach before now. Is there anything i can do to limit contact?

  • zonked
  • zonked's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Aug 12 #350234 by zonked
Reply from zonked
Another way to look at things might be your ex managed to take 4 kids swimming, return them home safely with a great time had by all. Hats off to him? Who knows, you might have done a better job, I doubt I could. Should all parents that allow 5 year olds to shower/dress themselves under the supervision of an older sibling be barred from the pool?

As for the stepson. Perhaps your dtr realy enjoys her time with him, but like any 5 year old, will magnify stories a little? There''s nothing that you''ve written that would in my view justify a restriction on the parenting time she has with her paternal family.

  • jslgb
  • jslgb's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
17 Aug 12 #350242 by jslgb
Reply from jslgb
Thats one way to look at it. However, coupled with other ''issues'' o have its just another example of poor parenting IMO.

As for the ''stepson'', my daughter doesnt like him, never has a good word to say about him and is vocal in her wishes not to see him. I dont wish to restrict contact with her paternal family. ''Stepson'' is not part of her family.

  • zonked
  • zonked's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Aug 12 #350245 by zonked
Reply from zonked
The lad is the son of your ex''s partner; of course he forms part of her paternal family. How could she experience normal family life with her dad with him excluded?

  • Felixstowe
  • Felixstowe's Avatar
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
18 Aug 12 #350249 by Felixstowe
Reply from Felixstowe
Swimming pools usually have a ratio of one adult to 3 children under 9 ratio so your ex was within that ratio, swimming pools are a difficult one (I know this spending half my life at a pool due to my oldest hobby). I take it that the pool in question has a seperate male/female changing room and it''s not mixed gender? If its not mixed gender changing rooms and there are no family rooms available then some of the children will have to out of necessity be unsupervised by an adult whilst changing, no children over the age of 9 are allowed in opposit sex changing rooms so who does your ex leave unsupervised?

You say your 5 year old cant get herself ready after swimming, what''s the worst case scenario here? Leaves shampoo in her hair, disheveled clothing, forgets cloths etc. I know if I had to leave children unsupervised to get changed I would always opt for girls in a female changing room (luckily I have girls so not an issue) rather than boys as the odds of them meeting ''undesirables'' in a female changing room are a lot lower than in a men''s.

When you say playing outside supervised by her older siblings, is the father/responsible adult not in the house so they are literally by themselves with just the older child responsible if they hurt themselves? If this is the case then of course this is totally inappropriate, if they are playing outside but adult is in the house then I would say this is part of childhood and growing up.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11