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Can my husband''s ex evict their adult son?

  • EscapeArtist
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19 Aug 12 #350546 by EscapeArtist
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To cut a long story short:
- Ex got 80% of joint assets on the basis that she wd provide a family home, with 20% going back to my partner when youngest child is 22
- Ex also had £50k cash in hand on divorce and also acquired other moneys from my partner through fraud

- children are now 22, 20 and 18
- 22 year old has just graduated and now living elsewhere, however, when he recently returned to his home for a weekend there was no food in the house (this is context)
- 20 year old works, but is on a low salary (proba earns about £700 per month). He buys all his own food and in addition pays his mother £40 per month
- 18 year old has been away at boarding school, will be at home for a few months from september before going on a gap year

Ex and middle son don''t get on well at all. He came to live with us last year after a particularly nasty row, but prefers living at his mothers because she is seldom there! he returned back to her house after she had made various promises to mend her ways. He knows he can come back here, but wd still prefer to stay there if possible, until such point as he can get his own place.

My partner does not communicate with the ex other than in writing as there have been problems with honesty and manipulation... Also, shortly after the divorce the ex told the children that my partner had all the money and various other lies about the circumstances of the divorce. We have had to sort all this out.

The ex also made a habit of sending the children round variously to ask for money, for specific things (she was already receiving more than the CSA would have given her), which created problems. There have also been various reports from the house of lack of food, tumble driers, dishwashers and showers that do not get repaired and a general austerity regime. The impression is that despite the fact that the ex wanted the money to provide a family home, she begrudges spending money on the children. She would also send the children round to unwittingly tell lies on her behalf and she also had my partners daughter email his sisters/ her aunt on her behalf to tell them she was seriously ill (she''s not). My partners daughter does not know that her mother is not in fact ill, rather it has become apparent in other ways that there is nothing in fact wrong with her physical health.

In the 4 years since the divorce we have tried to be supportive of the children but not get dragged into the chaos that is my partner''s ex''s world. And we have tried not to bring the children into the middle of this other than to correct obvious untruths, but even then we often choose to not to comment.

More recently the ex has upped the anti against the middle child. She wants him to make a bigger financial contribution. She has variously tried to enforce this by:
- using her imaginery illness - which he didn''t believe anyway
- alleging that certain bills have gone up, which are part of the general cost of running a home ie tv, telephone, and non of which the middle son uses
- generally being abusive to him (ranging from complaining, to shouting and screaming, to violence)

In fairness, like many 20 year olds, he does not always behave well to her, but given his general behaviour and his attitude at work is good, this seems to be about the poor relationship between them. We have said he needs to either move out or else he will need to play by her rules.

He is becoming increasingly concerned that he will be thrown out by her.

I think she probably can do and that there is no recourse if she does. We are also trying to encourage him to behave, and we have also also reiterated that he can stay with us. However, he would prefer to stay there.

Any advice, or is it all, as I suspect, a case of this is about two adults (ex and son) and their relationship and he has no right to stay in his mother''s house.

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19 Aug 12 #350555 by sillywoman
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I have 3 girls, one nearly 22, one 19 and the other 16. They do not see their dad, but that is by the way.

As you know when children go to university or work or reach 19, all financial help stops, i.e. child maintenance, child benefit and tax credits, as it should be.

However, bills remain the same and even go up regarding food, toileteries, gas/elec etc.

My daughter nearly 22 has returned home after university, earns £1000 per month and pays me £200 of that. The middle one is home during holiday time and pays me £20 per week out of her university grant. The youngest I get all the usual financial benefits including CSA from her father.

I have very little food in my cupboards and we eat pasta, jacket potatoes etc. The children do not help themselves because all food is accounted for. Treats, eg biscuits, chocolate etc I buy occasionaly. Showers every day cost electricity.

It is expensive having 3 pratically adults in a household, but unlike your son, my girls have no where to go if I don''t take them in.

Having said the above, when the youngest goes to university in 2 years I am seriously downsizing to a 2 bed property and then there will not be room for the other two. They will have to fend for themselves unfortunately, but I just cannot afford to run a 3 bed home for much longer.

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19 Aug 12 #350556 by WYSPECIAL
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So she is putting up with a 20 year old adult who doesn''t know how to behave and despite working contributes less than £10 per week for his keep?

I''m sure there have been loads of issues in the past and ex is probably a nightmare but for her to accept that would be ridiculous.

Where else does he think he will be able to live for £40 a month?

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19 Aug 12 #350567 by EscapeArtist
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I think you didn''t read that he buys all his own food. That means salt, pepper, milk, washing up liquid, sugar, teabags. He cooks all his own food. So this is really a question about the marginal cost of utilities. And no, he cdn''t live anywhere else for the cost of his food and £10 per week, but then he doesn''t earn a living wage and she has acquired money/ assets on the basis she wd provide a family home.

It is a fact of life that you continue to support your adult children beyond 18 abd that if your adult child is not incurring you in additional expenditure then that is fine. This is particularly so when you have acquired resources for doing so. She also receives income for a daughter who has been at boarding school. She has also not contributed at all to the oldest son while he has been at university, despite the fact that she earns enough to do so.

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19 Aug 12 #350568 by EscapeArtist
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He buys all his own food. The other two children do not live at home:
- oldest son has now left home
- daughter has been at boarding school, in now abroad on holiday job, and will be home for less than two months (during which time her mother will be receive maintenance and also child benefit)

She has a job that has a decent salary. She received extra settlement to provide a family home which she does not do and has not done.

She charged the oldest son keep on holidays from university, despite the fact that it meant he had to buy his own food.

Is there no redress for the fact she has received substantial money to provide a family home and does not do so?

I guess the children will judge for themselves?

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19 Aug 12 #350569 by EscapeArtist
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And all children have been supported past 18 by my partner, but not by the ex, despite her decent salary ....

And as there is only the ex and middle son in the house most of the time, then agree she shd downsize (possibly, heaven forfend, choose say a semi or even a flat) but she won''t do that as she wd need to pay money back to my partner...

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19 Aug 12 #350571 by WYSPECIAL
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Has she complied with Consent Order?

Sole use of a fully serviced house, albeit with a telly and phone he doesn''t use, for under a tenner a week sounds like a bargain to me.

If it were that bad surely he would vote with his feet but like you say he prefers it there?

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