A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

child wont visit me help who should cover

  • Chesterfield3
  • Chesterfield3's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
More
20 Aug 12 #350868 by Chesterfield3
Topic started by Chesterfield3
My Son (15) normally visits me and now he doesnt want to visit, who should arrange alternative care? Parent with custody or me?
BTW no parent plan in place yet he just lives there and has done for a year.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
21 Aug 12 #350878 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
How long would alternative care be required for? Overnight, a few hours?

  • Elphie
  • Elphie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
21 Aug 12 #350893 by Elphie
Reply from Elphie
How long does he need alternative care for? Isn''t a child of 15 ok on his own?
If he isn''t ok on his own, I''d be inclined to say to him tough, you,re going to you other parent as arranged, otherwise, what is to stop him saying he doesn''t want whatever babysitter is arranged?

  • Chesterfield3
  • Chesterfield3's Avatar Posted by
  • New Member
  • New Member
More
21 Aug 12 #350898 by Chesterfield3
Reply from Chesterfield3
Alternative care is required for evenings and daytimes but not overnight, the child is OK to be left alone but the other parent wants me to arrange something as i was supposed to have him.

  • Elphie
  • Elphie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
21 Aug 12 #350903 by Elphie
Reply from Elphie
What are the reasons for the 15 year old to not want to come over? Is it a one off, eg he has a party to go to that he wouldn''t be able to attend if he comes to yours?

I may be talking out of line here, as my oldest is still only 3 so I have no experience of teens, but IMO I think it is unreasonable for a 15 year old to decide he doesn''t want to visit you, his mum to go along with it and you to have to sort out his care. At 15, he is too old for out-of-school, child minders, etc. so what sort of care are you meant to provide? IMO you and your ex should decide whether he is mature enough to be left alone while your ex does what she needs to, or he isn''t mature enough and therefore he is also not mature enough to make the decision he doesn''t want to come to you either. I don''t think your ex should be able to support her son in him saying he wants to stay at home, but then also leave the responsibility of his care to you. The son is in her home, then his care surely must be her responsibility?

If it is just the case that he would prefer to be in his mum''s home, as he had more stuff there, could you go to his house for a few hours, if his mum is going to be out? I suppose that one depends on what your relationship with his mum is like.

  • fairylandtime
  • fairylandtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
21 Aug 12 #350985 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Hi --- sticking my neck out here (if i have read this right) as the RP to 2 teenage boys. Basically at this age they vote with their feet & hence he (your son) has decided that he is not going to visit you. Now this may be due to parent alienation over the years or as simple as a new girlfriend / out with friends etc teenagers are very fickle.

My 2 appear to have done similar as do not often see my x (at the moment, that may & I hope does change in time). But at the end of the day it is their decision, now taking that on board as the RP if said child decides to not visit x then tough .. You have to pick up that care. Imo It''s not right that you as the NRP is in effect punished twice one by not being visited (does your son know how you feel) and then again by being expected to find alternative care.

As I said my sons don''t often visit x, and due to that I am the one who sorts out care for the (suposive 3 weekends out of 4 they were supose to stay at x''s) it''s just a given, dosent give me much time to myself but they are also my responsibility at the end of the day.

If your ex expects you to find "alternative care" for the time son should be with you then just say NO the offer of care is here with me and if SHE wants to force the issue that''s her problem.

Sorry if that''s blunt but it is my opinion and here''s hoping I don''t get shot down by my peers. :S

JJ

  • sexysadie
  • sexysadie's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
21 Aug 12 #350990 by sexysadie
Reply from sexysadie
I''ve yet to meet a fifteen year old would be comfortable being babysat for an evening. Many are looking after younger children at that age. If he doesn''t want to come to you, then he should be fine on his own. My fourteen year old can certainly be left for a day and an evening if necessary, as long as I provide easy to cook food.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11