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CAFCASS Bullsh*t?

  • missguided
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25 Aug 12 #351807 by missguided
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Hi u6

Not sure it was different as i had moved back in to FMH with him (but we werent together, but my stbx registered son at local school (he starts full time in sept) as he didnt want him to continue at private school where he had attended 2 years of nursery.
There was nothing i could do to stop him registering, other than refuse to send him there.
My reasons were that his school was the only 1 thing i could keep the same whilst his parents splitting up and moving into new homes etc.

  • hawaythelads
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25 Aug 12 #351821 by hawaythelads
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If you only have your 3 year old son one day per week why do you want to send him to nursery?
C''mon be truthful all this old cobblers that you''re spouting about his emotional development and he''s behind.
You know the underlying reason you want to enrol him in a nursery is so you can say in court but he''s enrolled in nursery here.
Now I expect you''ll get all indignant at that but you know I''m right.
Kids grow up. Spending 15 hours a week at nursery at the age of 3 ain''t going to make one h''apeth of difference to their emotional development if they start at september or january.They won''t even remember it.
Besides there''s plenty of clubs you can take them to for a couple of hours if your soul purpose is him mixing with other kids.12 years ago I used to the lil haways to funky monkeys a god damn awful experience where all these toddlers were giving drums or tamborines to make a right old racket with while all the mothers were I''ve got the next Richard Clayderman on my hands isn''t it great all I saw was no 1 son running around head banging his drum.Or the other one was tumble tots they used to try and get the kids to do a bit of gymnastics and go through tunnels and hoops and stuff.No not No 1 son he wasn''t interested in being the next Louis Smith he was more interested running round and round the hall laughing as the instructors chased after him tried to make him to do the hula hoop as he was booting their tunnel.
It was about £4 a go if that so there''s plenty of alternatives if this really is about him spending more time doing stuff.
All the best
HRH xx

  • halfadad
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25 Aug 12 #351826 by halfadad
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You can put him in nursery but only during your court ordered contact time so CAFCASS are spouting nonsense.

Perhaps she misunderstood and thought you wanted to put him in nursery in exs time which you cannot do - even with a residence order!

I think Haway has it right, you want to do this to strenghten your case which is fair enough, but I think you should wait for the Directions hearing before you do anything else I actually think you could shoot yourself in the foot.

If you ex put your son in nursery during your time youd rightly be pissed off, and saying she was controlling and not respecting your time as a parent. The reverse also works, but I think you have the added problem, of not only will they depcit you as controlling but also say that you battled for contact with the kid only to shove him off to nursery so letting you have him more would be pointless when he could be with his mother (who actually wants to spend time with him) in the new location!

Take him to a playgroup where you stay with him if you are desperate for him to have interaction, take him to one of these hellish soft play centres - they tend to do toddler mornings, and he can run round happily with small screaming children whilst you drink an overpriced hot drink!

  • u6c00
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25 Aug 12 #351833 by u6c00
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Thanks guys, you''re absolutely right that I want him registered in nursery partly to benefit my case. I won''t deny it, and it was barrister''s advice too. There are other more noble reasons though.

I''ve posted on other threads about his problems with speech. He still hasn''t been even put on a waiting list for speech therapy and when I did the nursery tours they all said that their SEN co ordinators would be putting him on the list straight away. CAFCASS actually wrote in their report that his speech was behind (I raised concerns about this on the forum a couple of months ago and in the CAFCASS interview about 6 weeks ago).

He''s also reached an age where he wants to play with others, but he just doesn''t know how. He keeps dragging me down to the living room floor to play with his train set but then he throws a fit if I touch anything. He wants to play but he''s getting so frustrated because he doesn''t know how. (A few weeks ago I heard his first complete sentence :)unfortunately it was ''No, my train, go away :()

I have said all along that I want to be involved in his school life (and everything else) so I would really rather not have my ex book him in for his 15 hours Monday to Thursday so I can just enjoy my own contact time free of interruptions on a Friday. Of course I don''t want him in for the full day on a Friday either, but 3 hours is not unreasonable (especially if ex took him in at 9 am and I picked him up at 12. Might stop this silly beggars with sending him in undersized clothing if I was picking him up from nursery too.)

I''ve looked into local playgroups and so on, but there is nothing appropriate for his age locally on a Friday at the moment (I don''t think he''d fit in at the breast feeding cafe session at the SureStart centre). Everything locally is Monday to Thursday and he''s not currently going to any activities at all with mum.

  • Elphie
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25 Aug 12 #351852 by Elphie
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U6, I have no More advice on whether you can/can''t should/shouldn''t enrol him in nursery, but I wanted to reassure you on the speech front. I am a senco, so do have experience in this. Children develop speech at different rates, and if he is saying no, my train, go away, and this is understandable by adults who know him (understandable, not pronounced perfectly) then he is doing ok. And as for wanting to play with other kids, but not knowing how, you''ve described my 3 year old perfectly! You are right, going to nursery would help him in both areas, but it isn''t going to stunt his development if he starts in january instead of September. And those sencos / nursery staff you spoke to? They work for a private nursery so if you raise concerns about your child,s speech then of course they are going to rush to say they will have him on their sen list ASAP - they want your business, so they are reassuring you that they will take your concerns seriously and do something proactive about it. Because if they don''t reassure you, then you''ll take your custom else where.

How about a soft play centre then? It''s not structured, but quite often my kid will start "playing" with other kids there (by playing with, I mean they follow each other around for a bit!)

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