A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Children being hit by a wooden spoon

  • Plumka
  • Plumka's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
03 Sep 12 #353556 by Plumka
Topic started by Plumka
Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone would have an advice on this:

My husband''s 2 children (2 and 5 year old girls) spend every other weekend and parts of their holiday with us. Last week, whilst bathing them, the younger one had two weird bruises on her leg, just under her nappy, and also at the front, around her hip. When we asked how she got them, the older one said that their mum hits them with her hand and also with a wooden spoon, and that''s how the little one got the bruises. There were small ''accidents'' previously, like Mum trapping their foot in a door, or similar, when ''Mummy was angry'', but these were one-offs and they stopped. This is now different, as it seems that the wooden spoon is is a fairly constant use. We were also told that the spoon is kept it their room, so they know that they get if they don''t listen. We think it''s too much, to hit a child to the point that it leaves marks. We have written to her solicitor, but no response yet - and we think they may come up with something trivial, like that children bruise when they play. What should we do? When is the time to report this to someone, if it, of course, should be reported at all? I realise we are walking on a thin ice here, don''t want to appear like we are just having a dig in the middle of a contact proceedings, but this is now affecting the children. Does anyone have any experience with something like this?
I really appreciate your time reading this.

Many Thanks.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
03 Sep 12 #353561 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
You should document the bruises by photographing them, use a towel or make sure the child is wearing a nappy to avoid any photos of "private" areas.

Is Mum struggling to cope with two young children? Has she always been prone to using physical chastisement on the children, or is this a recent thing?

  • Plumka
  • Plumka's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
03 Sep 12 #353562 by Plumka
Reply from Plumka
Hi Rubytuesday, thank you for your reply. We have taken photographs, and enclosed then in the letter, addressed to the solicitor. She has never used any physical chastisement on the children. We believe it''s a recent thing, but not because she wants to hurt them, or anything like that. We think it''s the stress, and as you say, struggle to cope with the young children sometimes. We know she has been on antidepressants for a while now, but we have not mentioned it during our recent court hearings. Now we are wondering if we should.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
03 Sep 12 #353563 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
Can your husband offer some more support regarding the children - would she be open to such a suggestion?

I have quite strong views on the use of physical punishments on children, so perhaps I am unable to give the most balanced of responses. If you have documented evidence of bruising caused by hitting with an implement, then if it were me, I would mention it in court, as it is Child safety issue.

  • Plumka
  • Plumka's Avatar Posted by
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
03 Sep 12 #353567 by Plumka
Reply from Plumka
We are trying to spend more time with the children, but she doesn''t allow us - therefore the full hearing in October. We live all about 2 miles from each other, yet my husband is not allowed to have them overnight during the week, or even pick them up from school, as currently the contact is from 5pm to 6.30pm once a week. She attempted to transfer the elder one from her current school without my husbands knowledge, so the Judge had to stop that. Now we found out she changed the children''s GP and is refusing to give us the details of their current one. She tried to get the previous GP to refer the elder one to a child psychologist, to try to prove that they shouldn''t stay with their Dad alternating weekends, but the GP refused to do so. We are concerned that if we don''t have extended regular contact with the children, we will not be able to step in when something like this happens, or the children will not have someone close to talk to. I think you are right, and we will have to mention it. I really appreciate your view on this, Thank you.

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
03 Sep 12 #353570 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
I think you have to, the occasional accident is one thing, hitting a young child with an object to the extent of leaving clear bruising is something else :angry:

How long ago was the solicitor''s letter sent?

  • WhiteRose
  • WhiteRose's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
03 Sep 12 #353572 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Does his ex have any support network close by? Family, friends?

Has the school (for the eldest) noticed anything or reported a change in behaviour?

I''ve just looked up some information on the NSPCC website - worth a read through.

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried...buse-a_wda87106.html

You can chat through any concerns you have with a counsellor on a freephone number manned 24 hours a day.

If Mum isn''t coping too well, she needs help.

WR

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11