i am new to this forum and i am not even sure i have posted in the right bit. i am going through a divorce and my husband is being his usual bully self. he just texts to say he wants the kids on any given day and expects me to say yes. he gets angry and says i am keeping him apart from his kids if i say no but when the kids are in their routine they are settled and they seem to lose it completely and its very hard to get them back on track. i have two boys with him aged 5 and 2 and a half. the five year old has since started saying horrible things to me when he doesnt get his way. i tried to explain this to my ex husband but he doesnt listen. he just tells me that he will go get the kids from school and there is nothing i can do to stop him. he says that from next week he is having the kids for three days a week and i can take him to court if i want to change it. he has no respect for anythign least of all me. i am at my wits end. what do i do? can he really do that??
I obviously do not know much about the background here but my thoughts are as follows.
Perhaps you should spend some time drafting a contact/Consent Order with specific times, dates etc and send it to your ex. Ask his opinion and explain the reason for drafting it is so that everyone has clarity. Perhaps if you are quite generous with the time you suggest he sees them he will not be paranoid that you are going to stop he seeing them, it sounds like he may be a little concerned about that. Probably not because you have done anything but unfortunately we see many cases where women do this after a split.
Perhaps leave a few blanks in the draft document that he can fill in himself so he feels involved in the agreement.
If you can both agree to a plan, which will probably take compromise and patience on both sides then you can send it to the court yourself and get it stamped.
A bit of work upfront may save you a lot of headaches in the future!! Good luck!!
I know it''s all really raw and unsettling at the moment, but it usually settles down as both parties and the kids settle into a routine that works (ish) for everyone.
we started off with ex just turning up at the house whenever he wanted. Tis was dire as he''d spend more time going through my things than with the kids, we then arranged set times during the week and more flexibility at weekends - again dire, he''d re-arrange multiple times during the same day and cancel at weekends. Kids would be on a roller-coaster of up and down emotions and we couldn''t plan anything with their friends or the more hum-drum routines of life.
it has settled down now, he does still accuse me of keeping him from the children if I don''t instantly agree with any of his suggestions as he interprets "compromise/negotiation/me having a different preference" as control tactics (?never understood why I am supposed to want to control him?) but we''ve reached a routine that does at least aprtially work for all of us, that the kids can mostly depend on (because he is less likely to cancel)- it has some flexibility.
Try drafting an agreement perhaps with blanks or a number of options and be prepared to change all of the written down ones, he''s probably feeling very insecure over not seeing the children as much and if he feels he is able to drive the agreement will more likely accept it better and reassure him about his importance in their lives.
My circumstances are probably different to yours, but in the end I found that having an agreement that ex could stick to was worth more than any particular arrangements that would have suited me a little bit better.