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Teenagers

  • fairylandtime
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14 Oct 12 #360941 by fairylandtime
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This should be a blog really as it isn''t a question, it''s sort of a rant but perhaps more a cry.

I tried to blog it but cannot see how to do it.

I am thinking of asking my eldest if he wants to live with his dad and not me ... The thought makes me sick but being like this makes me sick also.

My son hates me, tolorates me is fed p with me, and I feel about the same I think.

History ... Divorced over 2 years now, struggling finacially but also a workaholic which doesn''t help, so have worked too much to ensure at they have as nearer life as they did before the split. But then exam result time came and they did really badly, blamed myself, I didn''t know if they were revising, etc etc as I wasn''t there - we did talk but what with work and their social lives it wasn''t enough and we were shocked at the result.

So starts the be at home more mum, none of us seem to like it ... All I care about is grades according to kids, in part they are right... Paying for tutors, buying every book on the subject, asking about school, on and on.

At every turn son seems to go against it, he missed a uni day cos he slept in, he said I can take him to the next one but not sure if I want to now, he''s missing tutoring cos he''s working & hasn''t told work h cannot work ... So I''ve lost money there. He comes in at god knows what time in the am on a weekend and threw up on my sofa ... Then today I pick him up from football as a surprise something nice ... Nope in front of all other parents (who I don''t know btw) he informs me he''s going to X''s told me and what am I doing here!!! Felt like a right twit and am just so fed up of it, asked if they could stay at X''s for tea, I just need a bit of time but am dreading them coming back as it will all start again.

Sorry to moan, it''s just so hard and I am fed up of trying to do it all and then getting kicked in the stomach for doing it ... Nothing is ever right.

JJ :(:(

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14 Oct 12 #360946 by spooky
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Could write an essay here but it would take too long!

You don''t say how many or the ages of your little lovelies.

Don''t beat yourself up, you are doing a good job. Teenagers are like toddlers and should be treated as such.

It is a very fine line in their eyes........you think you are being supportive, they think you are interfering. You cannot win.

Coming home late and vomiting is totally unacceptable.

Set some ground rules and stick to them, if they run to Dad''s let them, they will soon discover that he has rules too.

Hand back the responsibility of getting up, getting to Open Days, tutoring to them, if they miss things it is their problem and they have to deal with the consequences.

Go back to work part time if you can and go out socially, the kids will respect you more, you also need a life when they waltz off into the sunset.

PM me if you want but keep your chin up and take care of yourself xx

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14 Oct 12 #360948 by fairylandtime
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Thanks Spooky

Am still working full time just trying to work 45 hrs per week instead of 60, tis a hard juggling act and have a pile of work to do in the other room but cannot face it.

Two boys, the eldest 17 thinks he''s 25 and is the main issue, we always use to get on well but it''s just gone south since sept and starting sch / me starting the nagging etc.

I know I probably do too much for them both, and am just so tired of it (other one 15), x doesn''t really contribute ... Is their mate not a parent, which doesn''t help me as its me who has to try (badly) to dicapline, h/w, school etc. have set son up with some work experience and it looks like he''s not going to turn up to it ... So I am going to look stupid to my colleagues as well :(

Just feel like not bothering any more, & now they are at X''s and I am getting worried about what time they will get back / if they will get back ... Feel like I''m in a no win situation ... Plus know ex will be loving all this too which makes it all worse!!

JJx

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14 Oct 12 #360950 by spooky
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Go and have a long bath or put something on the tv that YOU want to watch and chill out!

17 is not a good age I''m afraid.......no power and no money! I have 4 girls and in different ways they were not at their most pleasant at 17, I don''t suppose boys are any better and there are power issues with single parenting.

If you can stand it going on strike achieves minor miracles.....let them fend for themselves! I also suggested to my now 17 that she could get herself her own flat.

I have been a single parent for 10 years with no real input from their Father. That has pros and cons but at least there is no "parental competition" issues and only one set of rules.

I have always been very tough with my girls and mostly they are good but we have had the usual teenage problems with alcohol, smoking, drugs and sex.

In my opinion teenage parenting is all about damage limitation and lots of hoping!

Step back a little and let them make a few mistakes..........always be there when they fall to pick them up again but get them to take some more responsibility for their actions and how they treat other people, including you!

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14 Oct 12 #360951 by fairylandtime
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Thanks Spooky

Think I am just tired, usually I can bat these things off but not at the moment.

Overnight contact with their dad stopped about 5 months ago, tbh at first I use to hate them being away and had to force myself out but got use to it and liked a worry free evening, also my son would (does) only drink on the wkend and so I didn''t have to put up with that either. But for the last 5 months it has just been intense and there is no break from it ... Feel almost stir crazy ... But at the same time guilty for feeling that way.

Whenever I say anything get the whole "how hard it is for me" speech from son, lol not to belittle it but think "grow up" often, & then there is me doing the same on here!!

Have been ill lately so that probably hasn''t helped, think I could just take off for a couple of days, but at the same time cannot do that.

Heyho they Re back now so am happy for that.

We will get through this ... Just hope we can stand each other still when we do :)

JJx

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14 Oct 12 #360953 by spooky
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It''s still early days for you all so don''t feel bad!

Re the puking: making them clean it up themselves focuses the mind!

My eldest is now 21 and at Uni and she has thanked me for being tough with her when she was younger so they do grow up and appreciate us!

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14 Oct 12 #360987 by James53
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I don''t know what they get taught these days but a lot of teenagers seem to have the attitude that the world owes them and will give them a living.
They don''t seem to think they have to put any effort in and my son is one of the worst culprits.

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