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Silence and mental health

  • broken tether
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4 years 10 months ago #472614 by broken tether
Silence and mental health was created by broken tether
We joined a while ago and have dipped in and out of here. It''s a very useful site and we have been able to find lots of good advice on here to help me.

Update on our case is that mediation failed - no further agreement or negotiation at all so back to court. date set. Section 7 ordered.

In the mean time other parent appears to have been admitted to a mental health unit (not sure if voluntarily or sectioned or why). Ex has been there for over two weeks now, gossip in the village is a cry for help with a half hearted suicide attempt or issues self harming.(absolutely no proof of either). We have no idea which unit or hospital ex is in and no confirmed release date. Kids have been sworn to secrecy and have heavy weights on their shoulders they are so confused by whats happening and feel an overwhelming need to protect and care for ex. It''s really sad to see.

We are not judging the ex in any way as being unfit to parent but would like to support the children. They are currently being looked after by their step parent and a range of babysitters. There are no apparent safe guarding issues however we can see how fragmented the kids are at the moment. There is virtually no communication with ex and we cannot just ask whats happening as things are very acrimonious and we do not want to add to any pressure the ex is under with unwanted contact .

Are there any options that can be realistically considered?

Thanks in advance BT

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  • TBagpuss
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4 years 10 months ago #472688 by TBagpuss
Replied by TBagpuss on topic Re:Silence and mental health
who is "we" - are these your children?
How old are the children?

Can you speak to your ex''s current partner, to explain that you wish to support the children. Reassuring them that you are not seeking to get the children removed may go a long way. You could (if practical) offer to help with the children so that they are not left with child minders

Have you spoken to the Cafcass Officer? They will be better placed to get information and may also be able to arrange to talk directly to the children.

You can also consider whether it might be helpful to speak to the children''s schools, to make them aware of the situation so they can suppor the children in school , and perhaps to help them access further support, even if it is simply the opportuinity to talk about what is happnening to a trusted adult outside the family.

There may be an issue as to your ex''s mental capacity in which case court proceedings may be stalled, as it may be necessary for the Ofical Solicitor to be appointed to deal with the case on their behalf.

Obviously if the childnre have been sworn to secrecy than it will simply put more pressure on them to be pushed to talk to you, but they might find it helpful if you are able to point them to age-appropriate resources - it may be worth you contacting organisations such as MIND and Barnadoes to ask them about resources for children who have a parent with a mental illness.

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  • broken tether
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4 years 10 months ago #472714 by broken tether
Replied by broken tether on topic Re:Silence and mental health
We are dad and step mum.

Kids are 16 and 12.

16 year old is at a very critical age and feels he now has to ''man up''. As if being 16 and in year 11 with exams looming isn''t hard enough. We''ve told kids our door is open 24/7. Response was its not worth upsetting him (exes hubby)!

We cannot approach her partner as the situation is very tense. The police have been called numerous times unnecessarily so we just don''t make contact now.

The school are aware and supporting kids as much as possible.

Cafcass will only intervene if there are welfare issues and there are none other than the kids being caught between a rock and a hard place.

We''ve done research and asked relevant governing bodies and due to age of kids and that its ex suffering there isn''t much out there for the likes of us. We cannot intervene offer help or be supportive to the kids if it is not welcomed by ex and her husband.

We Guessed the court will be postponed anyway and not too worried about that. But what immediate options are available to us as we can''t see any.


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