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Where should difficult 16 year old live?

  • rowantree
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4 years 7 months ago #476687 by rowantree
Where should difficult 16 year old live? was created by rowantree
My 16 year old son has lived mainly with me for the last 7 years, spending 2 nights a week with his dad. I had to ask him to leave last Tuesday as after staying out unaccounted for all night and my having to call the police he then gave me a lot of verbal abuse plus no apology. I''ve been struggling generally with him for a long time, he has no respect for my boundaries and basically does whatever he wants. He also bullies his 8 year old sister.

His dad tells me he''s been perfectly behaved at his, revising, helping with chores and being generally polite and respectful. However, he is still bringing him back here later even though he''s obviously better off there - he''s working for his exams which he doesn''t do with me, plus he''s safer as when he goes missing at night he contacts his dad but ignores my calls and texts.

As Residency Orders expire at age 16 I can see no more of a reason for him to live with me than his dad. His dad has a new wife and a 1 year old so just doesn''t want the bother and disruption of a wayward teen, even though he obviously responds and communicates way better with him than me.

I feel very sad it''s come to this but I''ve struggled with both him and his older brother for 7 years now and it''s definitely dad''s turn now, but short of blocking the doorway later and making a scene, which I don''t want for my son''s sake, I just don''t know what to do?

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing or have any advice?

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  • mumof 3
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4 years 7 months ago #476688 by mumof 3
Replied by mumof 3 on topic Re:Where should difficult 16 year old live?
please be very careful how you deal with this.
I have lost my 2 youngest children to their dad as things were the same at my home and he kept telling me they were perfectly behaved for him and that I was the problem.
now I don''t even get to see them at all and they behave in a vile way towards me.

maybe you and his dad could work together on this didn''t work in my case.

just be realy careful that his dad doesn''t put a spin on it and say you don''t want him. this could cause serious problems for the future.
so sorry to sound negative but I cant believe how my kids heads have ben warped in such a short space of time.
good luck.

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  • rowantree
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4 years 7 months ago #476690 by rowantree
Replied by rowantree on topic Re:Where should difficult 16 year old live?
Thank you mumof3, sorry to hear of your worrying situation with your youngest two, you don''t say how old they are but I''m sure they will grow up and realise that it''s time to have a relationship with their mum and to make their own opinions without necessarily having their thoughts controlled by their dad. He may well come off worse in the end when they realise the appalling way he''s behaved. My eldest boy now 22 has had many times where he''s lived with his dad and hated me but is now a caring and appreciative son. Wishing you all the best.

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  • NellNoRegrets
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4 years 7 months ago #476693 by NellNoRegrets
Replied by NellNoRegrets on topic Re:Where should difficult 16 year old live?
If your ex is bringing your elder son home at night it doesn''t sound as though he''d be keen on having him full-time.

I can only say that my 16-year-old son was also a nightmare. He left school at 16, dropped out of college and I often had no idea where he was at night. He didn''t get on with his father, so someone else parenting him wasn''t an option.

I tried to stay calm, not worry and eventually, son did grow up a bit. He''s had a variety of jobs, left home. He''s back temporarily but is moving again soon. Since he''s been staying back here he''s been much more considerate, done chores without being nagged (or even asked).

Mind you, I think we turned a corner when I came home and found his friend in our garage smoking and chucked him out. Laying down the law earned me some respect, although son was rather stroppy with me at the time.

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