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joint custody but he does share holidays/weekends

  • Claba
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4 years 3 months ago #481192 by Claba
My ex and I divorced 5 years ago. We agreed on child maintenance , split assets and we agreed on a document drafted by a solicitor and signed by both that he would like to share holidays and weekends. That is fine,but that the document has never been applicable until now because he started working abroad after we separated, so we put in place something that would be viable. Therefore, he paid for an au pair to help me as I have no family here and his family never cared about the kids and he had the kids for the summer holidays. The rest was on me ( I work full time). He claimed that once in the UK, he would share holidays, see the kids, hence he would stick to the document and it was good for him too to ensure he would see the kids etc etc. However, he married a girl abroad as she got pregnant. In fact, she is due to have another baby any time soon. Since that, he has been paying very little attention to my kids, do not see them that often and is not paying for the au pair as he has now more expenses(he is still abroad). I got married again 2 years ago and my new partner does more for my kids than the real dad. Takes time off, goes to hospital, take holidays etc. Although my ex is still abroad, he really does not want to know. My son who is 12 has been having issues at school and at home since he left and his dad says \" he needs to move on\". He is due to come back next year and I asked if he would then share more time with the kids. He say that he can \"give\" two weeks of his holiday only as he wants to spend the other 3 with the new family. I claimed that there are 12 weeks on school holidays and I have been struggling but he asked me to stop panicking. Also he is moving to a place 45 min from Kings X and I live in South London so he said that he will only be able to see the kids once a month as it is expensive. he even asked if I was willing to take them to Central London so they could do the journey (my son is 12 and my girl is 10). I told him no way, that they would do the journey on their own but then he said \"it will be difficult!.he won't even be bothered to facilitate the visits and pick them up.To add to the mess, he is already saying that he will stop CM as soon as they are 18. He is a diplomat, earns lots of money and his new partner never worked. They are living a very expensive life and he pays the 20% for CM but nothing more. I feel very upset as he is treating my children as their B list. They have noticed but they don't say anything. I wonder if it is right to have a sole custody agreement since he is not adding anything to their lives. Can CM be raised due to the lack of sharing time and holidays especially as he will be in the UK and is able to have to share this time.It is very upsetting and unfair. His new kid is going to go to a private school , the partner shows on social media on the expensive presents and places that they go but he cannot pull his weight for the kids from his previous marriage.What is the point of having a joint custody with someone who does not care. What is the best thing to do when there is a radical change like that? if my kids decide to go to uni, can they make their own claim to have some support and he does have a good salary?

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  • hadenoughnow
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4 years 3 months ago #481223 by hadenoughnow
Replied by hadenoughnow on topic Re:joint custody but he does share holidays/weekends
I am afraid you cannot force him to spend more time with the children. It is a great shame for them but it is important not to make too big a deal of it if you can. It is good that you and your new husband are providing stability for them

You may find it useful to try mediation to see if you can come up with a more workable arrangement.

As far as money goes, unless there is some sort of global maintenance (combined sm and cm) order enshrined in a court order, your recourse is to the CMS. There is a maximum he can be compelled to pay and maintenance stops when they complete fulltime education or reach 18. Having another child will change his liability.

Your children can take action in their own right to claim support for university. It would be a real shame if they had to do that but the option is available.

You seem to have built a new life for yourself. It probably isn't a good idea to be tormenting yourself by looking on social media to check up on his current relationship. The stuff that's posted on there is going to be showing off. The reality may be very different.


Hadenoughnow

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  • Claba
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4 years 3 months ago #481374 by Claba
Hi

Thanks for the reply and apologies for the delay in replying.

It is true, I cannot enforce that he spends time with them but it is frustrating.

You mentioned one thing that is a kind of frustatioon too. When we divorced, on the consent order ,it quotes that he will pay CM until they are 18 but there is no mention about carrying it on until they finish full time education. My solicitor was not the best and I was not very well advised. I also check the CMO and it says that if the child is between 16 and 20 in full time education but not advanced or training provided by the government. Do you know what it means non advanced education? if my kids decide to go to uni, does that mean that they are not entitled to receive anything from the father as it qualifies for advanced education? what is classified for advanced education? Which other courses entitle them for CM? You mentioned that they might be able to apply for support when they are over 18? Is it via CMO or via a lawyer? how can they do that?
Many thanks.

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  • WYSPECIAL
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4 years 3 months ago #481375 by WYSPECIAL
Non advanced education means up to A' Level or equivalent so uni isn't included.

If they want to apply for support while at uni they would have to do it themselves through Court

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  • Claba
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4 years 3 months ago #481382 by Claba
Thanks.
What is the process like? Can they do the paperwork themselves or find a lawyer? if the latter, do they need to pay for the fees?

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4 years 3 months ago #481387 by WYSPECIAL
Be at least another six years before it happens so probably not worth worrying about at this stage.

You don't know what sort of relationship your ex will have with his children by then or what his financial circumstances will be.

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4 years 3 months ago #481413 by Claba
It is right but things are not getting better and his attention now is for his new family. I might have a nice surprise but not that hopeful.

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