A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Ex being a tosser

  • Under60
  • Under60's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
05 Nov 18 #504723 by Under60
Topic started by Under60
how Do you deal with ex husband being an idiot with regard to how many nights child stays with it, so as to not pay CMS....he has to pay £8 a week currently (Alledgedly very poor and lives 3 nights at his new birds pad). This doesn’t even cover school dinners, let alone uniform and trips, food, electric, gas etc?
Why are some men such tosser’s?
It’s your child, you need to provide.
I suggested no CMS, just pay 1/2 his school costs, but No :angry:
All he is after is to persecute me, but the child takes the brunt of it..just a psycho I guess.
What can I do to defend my child caught in the middle?

  • .Sylvia
  • .Sylvia's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
06 Nov 18 #504726 by .Sylvia
Reply from .Sylvia
Is the £8 amount determined by the CMS or a voluntary figure? I read in one of your recent posts that he was meant to pay £22, but "He put in to vary it and has decided to pay £8 a week, as he allegedly earns virtually nil."

I'm assuming it's a CMS figure, in which case, as they aren't listening to your concerns about his non-declared income, there isn't much you can do (other than doggedly pursue the non-declared income aspect).

Child Support is meant to be a contribution towards costs, it's not meant to cover any one particular expenditure. I appreciate that the amount he pays is very low, meaning that you are bearing the brunt of the financial responsibility towards your child. I appreciate how difficult and frustrating this - my ex moved to the other side of the world and refused to pay any CM at all.

It’s your child, you need to provide.

- s/he is also your child, and when one parent isn't fulfilling their responsibilities, it is down to the other parent to step up so s/he has at least one parent who is responsible and providing for them.

What can I do to defend my child caught in the middle?

Quite simply, don't bring them into this situation at all so they won't be caught in the middle, don't discuss it with them, don't badmouth their father, don't let your ex's behaviour overshadow your life and your relationship with your child. You are not responsibility for his behaviour and actions, but you are responsible for how you react to them. By reacting, you are giving him what he wants - the impression that he is still able to control you and impact on your life. Don't let him. Don't let him in so he is able to do this. Use here to let off steam and vent your frustrations. Focus on your life, and your relationship with your child, and make it the best childhood you can offer him/her. Years to come, your child won't recall the lack of money, but the strength of your relationship with each other, your unwavering support and the many happy times spent together.

  • Under60
  • Under60's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
06 Nov 18 #504728 by Under60
Reply from Under60
Thanks Sylvia, yes originally £22 a week based on self employed tax return set by CMS, but he applied to vary it. Apparently they are looking in to it...since June? It was set in April, but he has decided to just pay the £8 a week. As far as CMS are concerned he is paying the set amount as there is no box to tick what he actually does pay or the fact he is in arrears.
Since birth I alone have paid for both our children’s needs, maybe that’s why he thinks they cost nothing!
Yes I can doggedly persue non declared income, I will keep trying.
Yes due to the non contribution to the care of his child Mummy always picks up the tab, she doesn’t whinge to the child or bad mouth the other parent about this.
I still don’t get how someone can be so cruel to another person and for their actions to have a terrible impact on their children, but I have now lived and learnt that some people are not what they appeared to be.
Onwards and upwards :)

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11