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Ex won't take children on his days

  • caitriona
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14 Dec 18 #505331 by caitriona
Topic started by caitriona
My ex is now refusing to have the children on his contact days and is going away on tour. As a result i lose my ability to work and earn on the days he is letting us down. The children and i end up poorer while he goes away for 6 months on a jolly. He has told me (and unfortunately the children) that his only legal obligatio to nthem is to pay the CM of 475 a month. Is this correct? (i will lose more than that per month). I feel like i had just got my life and work back together and now this jeopardises everything for me - again. Do I have any recourse? The days he agreed to have the children are only in the mediated doc and not the CO. But my CO does contain a clause of a nominal 2p a year SM - presumably i could open this and least seek a financial solution to this problem? Though what i really want is to work. I have no penion, no house, no partner and my ex keeps stymying my ability to work. Does it never end? Thank you to anyone who can help me.

  • WYSPECIAL's Avatar
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14 Dec 18 #505332 by WYSPECIAL
Reply from WYSPECIAL
Probably not what you want to hear but yes he is correct.

No one can be forced to have contact with their children if they don't want to.

So sad when lots of people have to fight to see their children following divorce plus he is telling the children all he has to do is pay. Very sad situation.

If his salary is increasing as a result of this tour (not sure from your post if it is work related) and CM is paid via CMS the the assessment may go up.

  • hadenoughnow
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15 Dec 18 #505336 by hadenoughnow
Reply from hadenoughnow
Hi, the point of nominal spousal maintenance is to leave the way open for a claim if things change.

If his absence means you cannot share care, and therefore have to reduce your working hours, this may be enough. It rests on you a: proving you have a need and b: showing he has the means to pay.

Explore what benefits you may be able to get. Entitledto.co.uk before thinking about going back to court. Also bear in mind that spousal maintenance will have,an effect on universal credit.


  • Jedzy
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15 Dec 18 #505342 by Jedzy
Reply from Jedzy
If child maintenance comes through cms and the number of nights your ex takes the children has changed you could speak to cms and get the amount he pays adjusted.

Tax credits are paid based on income and do not take into account child maintenance- a bit of a godsend when your ex partner decides to chop and change his plans without considering the knock on effect on the children.

Can you look into affordable child care in your area?

I know how frustrating it is when you end up with the kids all the time - it can be mentally and physically exhausting. The kids will remember and appreciate what you have done for them and your relationship will be stronger as a result.

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