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Child hating me. Why?

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1 year 3 months ago #506739 by chatsworth08
Child hating me. Why? was created by chatsworth08
Hi everyone. Back again for some positive advice.
I need to be positive but I'm finding it difficult.

My boy now 12 hates me txtin him. Ringing him up. The txts are saying normal....miss you. Have a good week at school. However... he never replys. Today he answered my call. Said what do you want? This was a WhatsApp video call. He turned of his camera and ripped into me.

He said.... stop ringing him. Stop texting him. Stop going to his school on parent teacher chats and sports day. I've gone to them in the past, he got upset saying I need his permission. Omg. By the way his mum has been and I'm sure still being manipulative. Sadly this has been going on since he was 5 months old.
Just because she hates me being here for my boy.
I've recently been told by my boy that I'm selfish. I'm horrible. I'm a liar. And I think of myself. I tell lies about his mum so he say. I don't and never have done. Ever. I'm not like that.
I didn't even know that he was going to a new school.
His mum doesn't like the air that I breath. I havnt spoken to her in over 2 years. This is why I'm really upset about my boy not wanting me in his life. I've given him everything he wanted.
When he did come over I always asked him if he wanted to go anywhere or do anything. He never wanted to go or do anything. Now he says I tried to blackmail him all the time.
I got a car for my company but says I got it to get him over here. I didn't. When he was naughty I told his mum and she took his side.
I have been a fantastic dad to my boy but the last year he hasn't wanted me in his life.
I have txt off my boy that clearly isn't him speaking if someone with a bit of intellect would see from a mile away.

I've never been horrible to him.

I really don't understand why his mum and possibly here mum have turned thing into manipulative comments for him to hate me so much.
I've never failed maintenance payments it 12 years.
What ever I have said to him he's turned it around and said I'm being selfish blackmailing evil horrible and nasty.
All I've said to him is can I pick you up. Next thing he's said is I have road rage and won't get in my car ever again. Wow that a new one on me.
He said I shout at him. (I dont)
Lots of other things we used to do in the past he's turned it around and used against me.
I am physically shaking and crying upset at the call today. Turning the camera off so I couldn't see him.

I'm really really scared now.
All I've ever in my life wanted was a fantastic relationship with my boy. But now says I get in his nerves. And he wants nothing to do with me ever again. He's 12.
Then after he said that and ripped into me some more he sent me a txt saying bye.... for God's sake.

It's his birthday in a couple of weeks and offered to meet for breakfast then go n get some toys. He didn't reply at all.

To tell me he's asked his friends about their dad's and they're brilliant.

But once or twice a week I txt him to say hi.....or have a good week...he says I'm bugging him.

I've said to him let's move on. But the way he spoke to me over the phone is disgusting. So much hatred and poison towards me is hard to take.

He said just leave me and my family alone.###.

So

What do I do now?

Stop texting him?

Have no contact at all?

Move back to where I was born. 45 miles away.

I only live 7 miles from him now.

You see he hates me so much and refuses to listen to anything.

Do I not contact him by txt at all.?


Have I lost my boy forever?

Will he think about these things he's said to me and maybe look me up later on when he's older.

Or is that it. He hates me and doesn't want to hear my voice again.

Help please.

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1 year 3 months ago #506742 by Vigorate
Replied by Vigorate on topic Re:Child hating me. Why?
Sorry to hear about the situation that you are in, it must be unimaginably difficult.

My son is 12 years old but I live overseas so only see him during school holidays.

The only advice I can give is do not go away or give up on your entitlement to contact with your son, no matter what he says. You are his father whether he likes it or not, he will realize this one day.

Maybe there is something you can do if you believe he is being manipulated against you by his mother - I would talk to a lawyer.

Hang in there and show that you are not going anywhere whether your son and his mother like it or not.

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1 year 3 months ago #506743 by chatsworth08
Replied by chatsworth08 on topic Re:Child hating me. Why?
Thank you.
I've stayed around here for 12 years for my son. I love him like no other.
It's just hard to be told... .shut up I don't want to hear from you again. Bye.

He's 12. So upset.

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1 year 3 months ago #506771 by Mitchum
Replied by Mitchum on topic Re:Child hating me. Why?
This has been going on for a very long time Chats and I'm sorry about this latest episode. You have been very patient, but making demands is not going to get you results either. You've proved that many times.

I think you need to let the dust settle on this latest outburst before making a decision to move. I know you're upset and disappointed at the moment and think you need to take a little time out to recover and evaluate how this may pan out in the longer term.

Bear in mind that you have never thought this is coming from your son. For a long time you have felt it was being projected onto him by other adults in his life.

If you're unhappy living there and think you won't see your son anyway, you might start to look around at jobs and property closer to your old home. If you will have support from family there, in the end it might be better to move back.

As he has been so vociferous about not being in touch with him, leave it for a while, but send the occasional text saying you're trying to understand his feelings and wishes and hope that some time apart and time to think will help. Keep it light, no pressure.

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1 year 3 months ago #506789 by chatsworth08
Replied by chatsworth08 on topic Re:Child hating me. Why?
Thanks mitchum.
I think I will stay here anyway.
Got to move on. It's my time now.
I will send a txt every 2 weeks or so saying hello. That's all.

He doesn't like me txtin him anyway. He told me that.

Hope you are well.

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1 year 3 months ago #506800 by Mitchum
Replied by Mitchum on topic Re:Child hating me. Why?
This is just the latest episode in your sad story. You have been very brave through all those years of blatant alienation. I hope one day, possibly when he's adult, he'll realise.

Mitchum

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1 year 3 months ago #506811 by chatsworth08
Replied by chatsworth08 on topic Re:Child hating me. Why?
I'm here for him.
And one day I hope so.

Thanks mitchum

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