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Teenage children and who will they live with

  • LalM
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1 year 4 months ago #507547 by LalM
Hi
I wondered if anyone has gone through a similar situation.... I have 2 boys 16 and 14 and have told my husband I want out of the marriage. He is adamant he will stay in the family home and it is up to the boys if they want to stay there and I should look for somewhere else.
I would be entitled to half of the house it’s our main asset but I think he knows the children won’t want to move from their home. He has told me he will buy me out.
I have discussed a shared care arrangement for them but as the mother I am the main Carrer and do most of their daily routine for them but happy to do a split week with him.

He is in denial that the marriage has broken down and wants to save face and not for it to have a detrimental effect on the boys.

Where would I stand I don’t want my children to choose between us? And as 2 boys it’s heartbreaking not to really know if they would even say that they will live with me.
I know the 16 year old can have a say in who he lives with. The way things are I don’t think he will come to an amicable agreement as he is bitter and angry that I have instigated all this.

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  • spinit
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1 year 4 months ago #507548 by spinit
The 14 year old will also be able to say who he wants to live with and when you say the 16 year old \"can have a say\" it's not going to be like that as in they will be able to tell you.

Why are you setting it up to be them having to choose between you? It also seems you are asking your husband to do something you personally are unwilling to do which is to find somewhere else to live.

Unless your 14 year old has medical issues they aren't going to need a \"main carer\".

The other issue you have is that if this is contested in any way really the delays in courts dealing with cases are such that it won't be resolved for a couple of years by which time your 14 year old will be 16 and your 16 year old will be an adult.

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1 year 4 months ago #507552 by LalM
Hi thanks for your reply...I’m not the one setting it up so that they have to choose that’s my husbands view on things.

Ideally the best thing for them would be to stay in the family home with me , yes I understand that expecting him to move out is the same as me not wanting to do it. But at the end of the day it’s all about what’s best for the children.

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  • WYSPECIAL
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1 year 4 months ago #507554 by WYSPECIAL
Replied by WYSPECIAL on topic Re:Teenage children and who will they live with
Teenage children are unlikely to want to upset the status quo.

All they'll want to do is stay where they are.

Post details of incomes and all assets and someone could advise on what a fair split may look like.

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1 year 4 months ago #507555 by spinit
\"But at the end of the day it’s all about what’s best for the children.\" - which is subjective. If the children were younger I don't think there would be much argument that it was best for their mother to be there due to current societal norms but over the age of 13 it's not clear that two boys wouldn't be better off living mainly with their father and over the age of 13 child services are very likely to respect their wishes unless they consider they are at some risk of harm which you would have to prove.

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