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  • Stumpylad70
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03 Jul 12 #340860 by Stumpylad70
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Hi,

I have just separated from my wife. She has left the marital home after trying to force me out. She is renting a place and taking my son and step son with her, though I will have access rights to my son.

The main problem is finances. As it stands we have a loan to pay for both cars, which is in my name. She has agreed to pay her share of this loan, though nothing is in writing yet. The main problem is that I am being left to pay the mortgage on my own.

She did bring £49000 to the house purchase, but I have been the one paying the mortgage for the last 8 years or so. And I am continuing to do so for the forseeable future until such time as we either work things out or go our separate ways. For all the time we were together it was my income that kept us afloat, including time when she was unemployed.

Now I am worried she will demand child mainenance from me, which would absolutely cripple me. I want to provide for my son, but I wont be able to if I am hit with a £200 a month payout.

At the moment I feel like I am facing financial ruin. ALL the money I have invested in the house will probably go to her and I will be left with almost nothing. She is in no position to buy a new home, as she is not in permanent work, but I am, however if she demands her £49k back plus half the remaining equity, I will have almost nothing.

I dont know if the court will take into consideration the fact that I personally paid everything for 8 years, and she paid for almost nothing.

I had heard that as she walked out that I can request that she pays half of the mortgage as it is half in her name, which would equate to about what I would have to pay in child support. I dont know if that is true or not.

I am not trying to rip her off or mess her about, but I dont want to be taken to the cleaners either.

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03 Jul 12 #340862 by Action
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Welcome to Wiki.

Have you discussed with your wife what her expectations are?

The experts on here will need more information about your ages, health, earning potential and length of marriage etc. in order to advise how a split might work.

Generally though, it is on a needs basis but the priority will be to make sure the child is housed. The starting point is usually 50/50 but then there are issues such as pension sharing, child and spousal maintenance etc.

It is not solely the financial contributions of each of you that are taken into account. Was your wife''s career development and earning potential affected by caring for children at home? Is she now actively seeking full time employment - what are her prospects?

Hopefully someone will be along soon to advise.

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03 Jul 12 #340865 by Stumpylad70
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I havent spoken to her yet, she will not talk to me at the moment.

We are both 42. in good health, though I am off work with stress at the moment. We have been living together for 9 years, married for 7.

My wifes career has always been ongoing, her earnings have gone up since we were married but dropped after she was made redundant, this was the time when I supported her, as well as after the birth of my son. She is now back in part time employment, which is pretty much what she had when we got married. Childcare was pretty much split between us and her parents as I work shifts. She remains in part-time work.

So her career was in no way affected by having a child.

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03 Jul 12 #340877 by Fiona
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Scotland has it''s own legal system so the law is different. The Clean Break underpins the division of assets and there is an expectation that spouses adjust to a lower standard of living.

The starting point is to value all the assets (including pensions) and liabilities held in sole and joint names at the date of separation. The net value is shared according the s9 Family Law (Scotland) Act 1985 principles, usually 50:50. This might be only slightly diverted from if one party is disadvantaged from the relationship say because they gave up or downsized their career to care for children.

When one party enjoys sole use of the house it isn''t unusual for them to pay all the mortgage. They are effectively paying the other parties'' share in lieu of rent for occupying that spouse''s share of the property. Each party normally pays their own bills.

IF that leaves someone struggling financially they may be able to claim "aliment" from the other spouse until the divorce and periodic allowances after divorce which are rarely more than for a maximum of 3 years. The considerations are the needs of one party and the hardship they suffer and the ability to pay of the other spouse.

When an asset owned before marriage is incorporated into family finances by being used towards purchasing the family home it becomes matrimonial property. It is possible to argue special circumstances so that the person who owned the asset prior to marriage has a larger share of the matrimonial assets, but you are into the realms of needing legal advice about the particular circumstances. Co-habitation and who paid for what during the marriage is irrelevant.

If you are struggling financially and your wife''s income isn''t significantly greater than yours you will need to push on and try to
agree a settlement between you so that the house can be sold as soon as possible and you don''t run into debt. Avoid court proceedings if at all possible because of the waste of time and money to say nothing about unnecessary damage to long term family relationships. A mediator can help if it''s difficult negotiating between yourselves. Alternatively you can negotiate through solicitors.

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03 Jul 12 #340878 by bluefairy
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Hi

Did you do 50% of he household chores eg. cooking,cleaning,shopping etc and 50% of the childcare so that your wife could persue a career earning a good wage? Unfortunate that she was made redundant but its very difficult securing a job at he moment, why did she move out, sorry to ask so many questions.
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03 Jul 12 #340880 by Action
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Sorry Stumpylad - hadn''t noticed that you were in Scotland but glad that Fiona has stepped in as I am limited to advising only through my own experience.

I''m sure you''ll find Fiona''s post extremely useful as a starting point. Sound information and advice as ever.

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03 Jul 12 #340892 by Stumpylad70
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Yes I did my fair share of cooking, cleaning etc. And when my son was in paid nursery I paid 100% of the childcare fees.

She moved out because I had been under a lot of stress, partly from my work, partly because of what I see as her unreasonable behaviour. I started to get depressed and angry a lot, though never violent. She had her friend Andy round our house all the time, and I mean ALL the time. Almost every night he would be here, especially if I had been out anywhere. Or she would be over at his house, or she would be out meeting up with him. All of which I just found unacceptable.

So she said I was controlling her, which I wasnt. I just was not too happy about having 3 people in my marriage.

Then she walked after a major bust up. Mostly about the whole thing with Andy.

She said I threw her out, which I did not. She in fact had told me I had to leave the home, and was forcing me into renting a place. I just couldnt do it is all. So I told her that if she wanted "space" she would have to go find it, because I had nowhere to go.

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