But sounds like your situation isn't healthy and is doing you no good whatsoever, and you obviously recognize that
This back and forwards could go on forever and you'll get nowhere, somehow it will decimate your emotions and probably leave you regretting not getting on with the separation
sooner. Better to be looking back a year from now and being glad of the progress you've made than kicking yourself because you didn't get on with it and now things are worse
If the relationship was meant to be then it wouldn't be proceeding in the strange way it has until now?