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The next 10-15 years

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3 years 9 months ago #486890 by Average bloke
The next 10-15 years was created by Average bloke
Just sitting tight for the kids now.

I can't be the one to break up the household.

No conversation, no affection, no companionship, no intimacy, no sex for the next 10-15 years.

Then I can get freedom.

She refuses to go to Relate. Any avenue anyone would suggest - she would say no.

This is not what I signed up for in marriage.

"

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  • Clawed
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3 years 9 months ago #486891 by Clawed
Replied by Clawed on topic Re:The next 10-15 years
That is so sad, is your wife suffering from depression maybe? I would never have left my husband, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself but I'm so much happier now that I sort of wish he had left sooner.

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3 years 9 months ago #486895 by Average bloke
Replied by Average bloke on topic Re:The next 10-15 years
She married me on the basis I would blossom into another kind of man.
I didn't know of this expectation at the time. I thought she married me for who i was/am.

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  • Bubblegum11
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3 years 9 months ago #486896 by Bubblegum11
Replied by Bubblegum11 on topic Re:The next 10-15 years
Average bloke wrote:

Just sitting tight for the kids now.

I can't be the one to break up the household.

No conversation, no affection, no companionship, no intimacy, no sex for the next 10-15 years.

Then I can get freedom.

She refuses to go to Relate. Any avenue anyone would suggest - she would say no.

This is not what I signed up for in marriage.

\"


In your last post you were about to see a solicitor about divorce... what happened?

I'm afraid there is no pain free way out of the situation you are in. What I will say is that by the sounds of things, your household is already broken, so staying under same roof and pretending to be a happy family for the sake of the kids probably won't make it a happy home for for anyone.

I can relate to your way of thinking and I have been there myself, which is why with the benefit of hindsight I can say if your relationship is beyond repair and making your life a misery - it is up to you to change it and that may mean divorce. If you were to separate, do you think you would be able to get 50/50 shared care of the kids? I think your biggest obstacle is not wanting to be an absent father or part-time dad.

To be honest, I can't see you carrying on like this for another 10 years!

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  • Jalisia
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3 years 9 months ago #486902 by Jalisia
Replied by Jalisia on topic Re:The next 10-15 years
I agree totally with Bubblegum - your marriage sounds to be already broken - is the environment a healthy and happy way to bring up your children, is it showing them good examples of a loving and caring relationship?

15 years is a long time to suffer like this. It takes courage and backbone but life can be so short and who knows what is around the corner for any of us.

Jalisia

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3 years 9 months ago #486910 by Average bloke
Replied by Average bloke on topic Re:The next 10-15 years
Thanks A lot to think about.
Financially I don't want to disadvantage my kids etc etc.

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  • bikee
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3 years 9 months ago #486977 by bikee
Replied by bikee on topic Re:The next 10-15 years
I was in exactly your position a couple of months back and I moved out of the family home. In relation to my son, this proved a big mistake - my wife (stbx) will not even let me speak to him on the phone.

Everything now has to be conducted through our solicitors , and I'm on the verge of putting a C100 into court.

However, you can't sit tight for 10-15 years, anything can happen in that time.
Despite the situation with my son, I can see a future now when previously all I could see was unhappiness.

You have to be brave, get the right advice and move forward.

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