The next 10-15 years

Just sitting tight for the kids now.

I can't be the one to break up the household.

No conversation, no affection, no companionship, no intimacy, no sex for the next 10-15 years.

Then I can get freedom.

She refuses to go to Relate. Any avenue anyone would suggest - she would say no.

This is not what I signed up for in marriage.

"

That is so sad, is your wife suffering from depression maybe? I would never have left my husband, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself but I'm so much happier now that I sort of wish he had left sooner.

She married me on the basis I would blossom into another kind of man.
I didn't know of this expectation at the time. I thought she married me for who i was/am.

Average bloke wrote:

Just sitting tight for the kids now.

I can't be the one to break up the household.

No conversation, no affection, no companionship, no intimacy, no sex for the next 10-15 years.

Then I can get freedom.

She refuses to go to Relate. Any avenue anyone would suggest - she would say no.

This is not what I signed up for in marriage.

"

In your last post you were about to see a solicitor about divorce... what happened?

I'm afraid there is no pain free way out of the situation you are in. What I will say is that by the sounds of things, your household is already broken, so staying under same roof and pretending to be a happy family for the sake of the kids probably won't make it a happy home for for anyone.

I can relate to your way of thinking and I have been there myself, which is why with the benefit of hindsight I can say if your relationship is beyond repair and making your life a misery - it is up to you to change it and that may mean divorce. If you were to separate, do you think you would be able to get 50/50 shared care of the kids? I think your biggest obstacle is not wanting to be an absent father or part-time dad.

To be honest, I can't see you carrying on like this for another 10 years!

I agree totally with Bubblegum - your marriage sounds to be already broken - is the environment a healthy and happy way to bring up your children, is it showing them good examples of a loving and caring relationship?

15 years is a long time to suffer like this. It takes courage and backbone but life can be so short and who knows what is around the corner for any of us.

Jalisia

Thanks A lot to think about.
Financially I don't want to disadvantage my kids etc etc.

I was in exactly your position a couple of months back and I moved out of the family home. In relation to my son, this proved a big mistake - my wife (stbx) will not even let me speak to him on the phone.

Everything now has to be conducted through our solicitors, and I'm on the verge of putting a C100 into court.

However, you can't sit tight for 10-15 years, anything can happen in that time.
Despite the situation with my son, I can see a future now when previously all I could see was unhappiness.

You have to be brave, get the right advice and move forward.