A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020
Mon/Fri 9am-8pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-8pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Getting seperated

  • Ady555
  • Ady555's Avatar Topic Author
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
More
3 years 9 months ago #487022 by Ady555
Getting seperated was created by Ady555
Hi

I'm hoping to get bit advice because I just don't know what to do, I have been with my wife for 14 years but we only married just over 2 years now, we also have daughter which is 11 years, my wife got ill about year and half ago and is on very strong medication for pain and nerve system on top of that she likes her drink too. Now we started to drift apart the last couple of months due to not admiting her problem and not going to see doctor, I would say I'm 100% sure is down to her medication and drink and she is no thinking clearly, I have been tryin to speak to doctor but I can't do nothing as she needs to want the help. She hasn't been working for few years now and I'm the sole person who brings income home and when I decided that I block MY account to stop her going out and buying alcohol she decided to go and stay with her family for few days. Yesterday she called me saying that she is not coming back and we better go our seperate way, if she told me or our daughter she is not planing on comeing back I would never let daughter go with her, I was talking to her last night and sound like her sister was filling her head with crap about seperation ect but I'm worried she is just not capable to look after her self or our daughter. I was trying to explain and reason with her that she needs to want to get help but feels like everytime I say those words she just folds and back to squre one. Has been 4 day now since she left our house, our daughter is with her 150 miles away and needs to go back to school but she just can't see that, so my question should I just let her go or fight for her??? I love my wife to bits and we never had abusive relationship, I don't know who I can speak to and hope to get bit advice from all of you.

Regards
Ady555

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • GR8dad
  • GR8dad's Avatar
  • Junior Boarder
  • Junior Boarder
More
3 years 9 months ago #487079 by GR8dad
Replied by GR8dad on topic Re:Getting seperated
Hi, personally i would speak to someone who is a specialist in relationships, why don't you try www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/talk-someone and do a live chat or message a counsellor. I wish i had years ago

with regards fighting or letting go, this is where the Councillors should excel better than anyone about helping you understand and deal with the emotional fall out but the final decision should always be your, or hers if she's already made it.

i might be reading into this but your wife may be suffering from depression or alcohol dependency, from what you have wrote it sounds that she needs help but may not be ready to accept it. The behavior shouts out help to me, particularly if she can not see what she is doing to your daughter by removing her like this.

Its important that your daughter keeps as much normality through this difficult time as possible for many, many reasons including the support her friends and teachers can offer her, but let her school know what is happening in the mean time.

Personally i think your priority should be on your daughter and sorting things for her first.

I hope you can sort things out

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Ady555
  • Ady555's Avatar Topic Author
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
More
3 years 9 months ago #487094 by Ady555
Replied by Ady555 on topic Re:Getting seperated
Thanks for you reply and link, I manage to talk her in to comeing back yesterday and after long drive there and back I could actualy have a chat with her and explain few things, finaly she did admit that she has a problem that medication are making her sad like world falling apart around her and that she likes to have drink to feel better, I offered my help that we both go and see specialist asap to talk about how she feels and what help she can receive. I explained that there is no shame in acepting help and saying to people you can't cope with things, fingers crossed this new year will look better but is long road ahead. Our daughter is back at her home and back to school with her friends, Wife did also mention that she can see that it had very large impact on our daughter the decision she has made and promised never do that again, time will tell and maybe is wake up call she needed.

For me is has been the worst time of my life, felt like I'm just hitting brick wall all the time with her, can't help and she won't listen.

I did say them words \" in sicknes and in health\" and I will stay by them.

Will let you know how we get on.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • GR8dad
  • GR8dad's Avatar
  • Junior Boarder
  • Junior Boarder
More
3 years 9 months ago #487315 by GR8dad
Replied by GR8dad on topic Re:Getting seperated
Thanks for updating the post, I'm glad to hear things are a lot better than they were and i really hope that things work out for you and your family.

All the Best

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11