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Been asked to leave

  • spinit
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3 years 2 months ago #495673 by spinit
Replied by spinit on topic Re:Been asked to leave
Sounds good and if you can keep it all civil then you will have done a whole lot better than me and your daughter will no doubt benefit, good luck.

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  • Footy1234
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3 years 2 months ago #495679 by Footy1234
Replied by Footy1234 on topic Re:Been asked to leave
I do hope she is true to her word and stays amicable

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3 years 2 months ago #495681 by spinit
Replied by spinit on topic Re:Been asked to leave
That was really the point I was trying to make, stay and make sure she has no choice to do what you have agreed or leave and hope for the best. My suggestion of making it a casual arrangement was an attempt to meet it half way so you can tell her for sure you will spend a couple of nights away at your friends or your parents house until the house is sold but in no way is it formalised or structured which a court could pick up on later and say your housing is resolved so you don't need as big a share of the house.

I'm also suspicious of her telling you she doesn't want your pension and she only wants a deposit as whatever you have agreed will need to be signed off by a judge. In these cases, the money follows the child and the child's primary carer. By agreeing to a formal timetable and moving out you are putting her in control of the percentage of care that she allows you and she will quickly realise that the more care she has the more money she will be awarded if this case is contested.

For the sake of a few months of living like this knowing what I know now I personally wouldn't risk moving out even if I thought the other person was totally trustworthy as people change and you yourself may not realise the person has changed.

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  • sunglasses
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3 years 2 months ago #495682 by sunglasses
Replied by sunglasses on topic Re:Been asked to leave
I agree completely with what you are saying Spinit. As people say one thing and when they speak to other people their views completely change.

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3 years 2 months ago #495684 by Under60
Replied by Under60 on topic Re:Been asked to leave
I also agree with spinit, I didn't want pensions etc, just an amicable outcome, but when it came to it, ex was out for evil, so I had to fight my corner, meaning ticking all the boxes for what I want, so it became unamicable! Protect yourself, trust no one!

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3 years 2 months ago #495690 by spinit
Replied by spinit on topic Re:Been asked to leave
There is a quote or saying that I can't remember where from but essentially it's, you only truly know your husband/wife, once you have divorced them and basically seen exactly how they really operate. This could all come across as very cynical and I have heard of people being very amicable and maybe you will be lucky.

You mentioned that your wife has had an hour's legal advice, have you had an hour's legal advice as if you haven't you really should sit down with a family lawyer for an hour before you decide to move out as you are dramatically changing the dynamic of the situation.

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3 years 2 months ago #495691 by Hatton1
Replied by Hatton1 on topic Re:Been asked to leave
Call me a naive idiot, but I don't think they change as such, but their perspective does. My stbx is being horrible and unreasonable in the extreme, but I recognise he is just trying to protect his assets. We were a team, he did love me, now we're not and he doesn't. So I am now the enemy.

I was getting myself in a complete state because everyone, family, friends and solicitor were telling me to take him to the cleaners. He had an affair, has given up his job so he doesn't has to pay us much, is happy to live the life of Riley with her, while the kids and I struggle, hasn't seen them in 9 months etc. But that's just not me. He's taken a lot away but not my integrity.

Someone gave me some very sensible and sage advice, and suddenly I stopped stressing. I am going to stay true to me. As long as I can house the kids and I, that's all I care about. Revenge is the way madness lies. I do think people can behave honestly and honourably but it's not easy. I refuse to change who I am.

I really hope Thornton1980 that you continue to do this amicably. I totally understand the cynicism from some, but there are still people who can behave well in divorce. Don't get caught up in the madness.

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