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What did I do or not do?

  • Tobyjuggler
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3 years 3 weeks ago #496648 by Tobyjuggler
What did I do or not do? was created by Tobyjuggler
Hi, ill condense this as much as possible, have two teenage girls from marriage (wife died) started relationship she has three kids two teenage and an 8year old, my life pretty straight forward go to work nice house car etc kids both go to school.
Love partner to bits however her life difficult on mess for depression eldest kid (17) refused to go to school since 15 middle girl excluded from school due to behavioural issues but recently returned and young child being checked for issues re concentration etc but nice kids.
We decided to try for a baby and after two miscarriages we were pregnant again:cheer:
The plan was always to buy a bigger house ( using all my money as she has no equity and has poor credit rating) her eldest treats her from what I see with little to no respect and bums money constantly ( smokes marajuana a lot) anyway I have always maintained that we would buy a house next year ( we live 60miles apart) to allow my youngest to finish her GCSE Exams) my partner has asked at least 20 times over the last twelve months when we're buying this house and became very angry about it when I maintained next year.
Since becoming pregnant her son has now(without permission) moved his girlfriend in as well as a pitbull terrier and a snake and to top it off his girlfriend is now pregnant.
I have stood by my partner 100% asked to go to scans etc even bought a pram etc but when I said to my partner that the situation is now different due to son and his \"acquired\" things she expects me to buy a. House for all of them as she hopes he would find a place of his own but couldn't give a guarantee.
Since then we quabbled over this point and I went home to receive a text saying that we're not getting on and that she would keep in touch to update me regarding our baby (she is now 30 weeks pregnant) and have heard nothing in four weeks and feel that by the tone of her text she doesn't want me to contact her.
Over the last two years I have loved her and her children I have helped each of them in different ways, gone to school meetings,repaired her house,car helped her with work am I being unreasonable or not I'm up most of the night thinking and have been for about the last four weeks?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions on this as I'm concerned that when our baby is born she will just make it difficult for me to see them and I don't know what I have done.
Thanks everybody in advance

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  • WYSPECIAL
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3 years 3 weeks ago #496651 by WYSPECIAL
Replied by WYSPECIAL on topic Re:What did I do or not do?
There are two elements here. On the one hand you have a baby on the way that you will want to see and have to pay CM for.

The other is do you really want to buy a house for two families to live in? What will it do to your relationship with your daughters?

Don't be pressured into living together just to see your new baby. You can sort out when it is born.

Remember that your partner is about to give birth and needs your support. Get in touch with her!

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3 years 3 weeks ago #496653 by Under60
Replied by Under60 on topic Re:What did I do or not do?
Sounds like you are being used good and proper!
Whatever you do, don't marry her!
Worse case scenario is you will pay maintenance for a child you won't see.
How about concentrate on the children you do have instead, and sort your life choices to suit them?

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3 years 3 weeks ago #496654 by Tobyjuggler
Replied by Tobyjuggler on topic Re:What did I do or not do?
Can I ask, by two families do you mean all of the above or as I see it her son has now created another separate family that he should support in his own right, girlfriend dog baby on the way etc?

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3 years 3 weeks ago #496655 by Tobyjuggler
Replied by Tobyjuggler on topic Re:What did I do or not do?
Sounds like good advice thank you.

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3 years 3 weeks ago #496656 by WYSPECIAL
Replied by WYSPECIAL on topic Re:What did I do or not do?
Tobyjuggler wrote:

Can I ask, by two families do you mean all of the above or as I see it her son has now created another separate family that he should support in his own right, girlfriend dog baby on the way etc?


No by two families I meant you and your daughters plus your partner and her kids. The grandchild and menagerie add an extra complication!

Pay CM and see your new baby as much as you can but any ideas of living together should be a long time in the future when older children have left home.

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3 years 3 weeks ago #496657 by Tobyjuggler
Replied by Tobyjuggler on topic Re:What did I do or not do?
Thank you again

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