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  • Bex87
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2 years 8 months ago #499401 by Bex87
Struggling was created by Bex87
Hi as the title says I'm just struggling so much at the moment my husband and I split last year for about 2 months said he didn't love me the usual. I later found out he was seeing a 21 year old at work. We had a family holiday booked and still went for our daughters sake, we ended up deciding to give things another go I believed and trusted it was over. We decided to try for a baby once I got pregnant he was distant and went back to working long hours, at 9 weeks he turned round and told me he had tried and he can't do it he just doesn't feel nothing for me. Gutted as I was I tried to understand he left and went to his parents but I have dug and dug and he has admitted that they are back talking as friends, I'm so hurt I have been poorly with sickness the last few weeks and feel like I pushed them back together as I haven't been my happy self. He is trying to make agreements and get me to sort things out financially but I'm just so raw and hurt as he's happy carrying on with life. Yet last wkend he came round the house at 2 in the morning sober and said it was to talk then tried it on, the next day back to not loving or wanting me, I'm sorry to rant probably not even posted this is the right place but I just feel so so lost

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  • polar
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2 years 8 months ago #499605 by polar
Replied by polar on topic Re:Struggling
Im not going to judge but I have seen this trying for a baby thing backfire so many times.
On the plus side for you is that he is stuck with child maintenance .

You are raw and very vunerable at the moment so what could be classed as 'easy meat' (sorry for that expression)

He knows that you don't want to break up so any little blip and he knows you will take him back. Having his cake and eat it so to speak.

This is where you have to set boundaries. It has got to be set as basically a her or me situation. I would imagine that 2 things are happening. He is stuck between her and a 'fling' and his resposibility to you.
Maybe his 'fling' has realised that things are not going to be flashing lights and whoopee as his finances will crash.

I cannot tell you what to do but the decision has to be one way or another . The one thing I learned was that I was not going to be an 'option'. I was number one or nothing. A hard decision if you love someone but it has to be done. If you don't set the boundaries you will just be used and softened up so that you do not create any problems.

One thing I did was NO CONTACT. No txts, calls letters. There is an old saying ''chase a dog and it runs away, walk away and it comes back''

Best of luck.

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