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Stress during separation

  • Nebulus
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06 Apr 20 #512041 by Nebulus
Topic started by Nebulus
I am separated currently, wife has found someone else and currently we are not speaking

I am not sleeping well, waking up 4am most days. I am also hating my days and not wanting to get up in the mornings. Most of the day I have a really tense feeling and constantly thinking about things

Anyone been through this and can help with what they did or how they coped?

  • Noetica
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06 Apr 20 #512049 by Noetica
Reply from Noetica
I think its pretty normal. Husband announced he was leaving and moving in with a neighbour, out of the house in 20 minutes. I didn't eat or sleep for a month! And now, after 5 months I'm still not sleeping more than a few hours without chemical help. I've been told by others to expect it to take a couple of years.

I meditate (if I do that in the morning I sleep better in the evening) using Headspace. It comes free with membership of Anxiety UK. I find drinking or eating sugar affects sleep. I used melatonin (bought from America) and every few nights I take Benadryl. My GP gave me a precious few sleeping pills. She wanted me to take an anti-depressant called Mirtazapine which has a side effect of helping sleep, but so far I have resisted. Exercise is good too, albeit difficult at the moment. I have found some online pilates classes (yoga is similar) and a jig along to the telly when fitness gurus come on.

Hang in there! Its a sign that you are human, and a decent human at that!

  • Vigorate
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06 Apr 20 #512050 by Vigorate
Reply from Vigorate
Yes it is normal to feel the way you are feeling.

For me, exercise worked the best and trying to put myself first instead of thinking of the past or how things could have been different etc. etc. I set myself some goals and focused on those instead. I also recommend the "headspace" app, its great.

After 2 years still not 100% there yet but things get much better and easier with time.

  • dadlovesu
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06 Apr 20 #512052 by dadlovesu
Reply from dadlovesu
Its been more than 2 years since I separated. I was arrested under false DV allegations and further released. As the case progressed my ex resorted to Parental Alienation tactics and started brainwashing my child to the extent that the Social Services had to appoint a Child Abuse committee.

I have gone through your phase. Medicines won't help you in the long run. There were times when I never slept 2-3 days in a row.

Best things to do in such a situation:

* This is the ultimate time to do a stock-take of your life.

* Journalising

*Exercise: There were times that I used to work out a lot but was still suffering from sleep problems as I was overthinking.

* There are times when you will stay awake during the nights and sleep during the day and that's normal. Don't think much about it. Time is a healer.

* You can resort to meditation (if that's your cup of tea).

* Talk to people who lift u up genuinely and not the one's who show sympathy.

Stay Strong. Self-Care is very important.

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