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What is the point....no way out

  • NeedsMust
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03 Mar 21 - 03 Mar 21 #515970 by NeedsMust
Topic started by NeedsMust
Hello,Need some advice regarding court order set roughy ten year's ago. Sorry for the long post. For ten years i have been hesitant to discuss any of this and here is a small snippet of the hell i have endured for the last decade. Honesty i think i could write a book as this is probably 2% of all the rubbish ive had to put up with....and i am the one with the problem apparently. Maybe i am the idiot? Maybe she is correct? Anyhow here goes...
The Consent Order/ Undertaking was negotiated with the help of a Barrister that my solicitor employed for the final hearing.Financially (and emotionally) i have been screwed and i cant help but think this is a result of really poor advice from my legal team.
Plus the fact that my mum specifically had arranged for a house for me (and her as she moved back from NZ) to live in by paying the rent for one year up front. (This was due to the ex winning the residence order several months earlier and myself being ousted from the FMH) I was also awarded a Residence Order.

My mum was also attempying to get a charge put on the house to claw back the 20k she gave my partner and myself to finish the extension on the house (40k in total) My mum came up with the option of us both paying to the children 5k each on thier 18th birthdays to mitigate the 20k so in effect the children would get the money. When i think back it was a total shambles and the agreement was thrown together in one day (scheduled for two) in a rather hurried fashion.
Have spoken to two solicitors in the last year.First was amazed at how poor my Consent Order/Undertaking was, commenting that it was one of the worst he had seen. It was neither a Mesher or Martin Order, and it was just a really bad agreement for me in general that did not cover any of the basic stuff that it should have covered to protect me and my perspective needs and wants. His opinion was to talk with the ex and ask her to settle on an amount to get this over and done with. I have done this many times over the last ten years, she wont settle at all & the main reason being that she is doing amazingly well out of this shitty situation i find myself in. Second solicitor wants 2/3k to enforce the order and sort it out, and has mentioned that if i wanted to try and amend the order i would be looking at 7-9k possibly more if the ex wants to be difficult. I just do not have that sort of money, in fact i don’t even have the 1k she wants to even look into my case. So I’ve been looking my self over the last few months at any possible options.

It is obvious to anyone that i have been handed a raw deal via the court and been completely over generous with regards to the ex. who has been quite happy to shaft me at every opportunity. She works full time, lives in FMH paying interest only and claims all of the benefits for the children. Has been Co-habitating for the last 10 years...he has now moved in hence the reason for this post.

Due to my disability, i am unable to work full time or even part-time truth be known, and have been on disability benefits for the last twenty years. I have had no choice but to rent privately to provide a place for the children and myself at a massive cost which is why i am unable to instruct a solicitor. My debt is rising every year and with the last year we have had i have not even been doing any permitted work (5 hours per week) which has increased my financial debt even more.

My mum has been over generous in her help to get me through this last ten years, while the ex couldn’t give two shits whether or not i have food in the cupboards or clothes for the kids....she wont even give me any of the kids clothes she own's stating that they are her clothes for when they are with her!! She has refused to let me claim child benefit for one of the kids meaning i am stuck on single persons Housing rate.....stating that she needs that money for the kids because i don’t pay her money for the kids!?!
She has been able to benefit massively by stashing away a small fortune over the last ten years due to only paying interest payments on the mortgage, (which incidentally is a buy to let mortgage), lied to the court about her relationship situation ten years ago, because she was in a relationship and refused to accept that he was to be included on the form E at FDR Hearing.She made a small fortune on the sale of her house 5 years ago. Personally i think this was a tactical move due my situation then meaning that i had to find another house to rent due to current landlady then wanting to sell. It was at that time i tried to discuss her buying me out to enable me to perhaps buy the house i was renting.

This was mostly ignored and it was a real difficult situation to try and find another house to rent as i was only working 9 hours a week at the time in the same school where my ex and her partner worked (that is how i knew that she was in a relationship with him before we went down the court route) Again my mum loaned me the money to be able to pay for the rent up front to secure myself some housing as the council were of no help whatsoever.
I was then later that year 2017 sacked from my position at school due to my poor attendance… i mean who in their right mind wants to go and work alongside two people who have seriously done you over and continue to do so and find some gratification from it!?!Her partner has now officially moved into the FMH and …last year she asked me if i wanted to sell it….she can’t sell it because it is still in our joint names. I said i would consider it if she was prepared to split the equity 50/50….the answer to that is a nope!! Even though he sold his house for 490k and therefore they have the funds to be able to pay me my share in the equity…she says that his his money and not her money!! FFS!!!! So she has no saving to pay me….same story for the last ten years.So here i am still in the same bad situation that i can’t find anyway out of……its effecting me badly, financially i am drowning in debt, emotionally i am seriously worried about my mental health and the effects of that on my disability and the whole outlook on life in general is very bleak. I don’t understand how she can get away with this…for this long and no solicitor can help it seems?
Please help offer some advice on how i can force them to make this a fair Clean Break?

Is it correct that all cases should be inspected by your legal team to ensure that you are not being shafted by the other legal team? Presidents Direction or something? Have i any right to seek compensation?
I have also noted that all cases are available to be reviewed under section 37 of the CPR (Court Procedure Rules)The option of TOLATA is another route i have considered, but again it is questionable if that would be successful or not?

Please help offer some advice on how i can force them to make this a fair Clean Break?
Last edit: 03 Mar 21 by rubytuesday. Reason: Moderator note - edited to remove profanities

  • hadenoughnow
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04 Mar 21 #515982 by hadenoughnow
Reply from hadenoughnow
I am afraid no one can advise effectively without seeing the precise terms of the order. If there is some sort of breach of any conditions then enforcement action may be possible. Whether or not there is scope for any variation of the terms is another matter. A final order is usually just that. Variations generally only relate to things like spousal maintenance that may be adjusted if circumstances change. They are not a reason to reopen the whole settlement. This is a very rare event.

The deal you agreed would have had to be approved by the court so a judge must have thought it was OK.


  • NeedsMust
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05 Mar 21 #515993 by NeedsMust
Reply from NeedsMust
For some reason my reply was deleted by a moderator for profanities?

So here it is again.....this time i have removed the offending word in the hope that 'that' word was the profanity??

I agreed to transfer my equity in the property to her 'sole' name...i was insistent on that point. When the paperwork arrived it was with another party added to the mortgage so i refused to sign the paperwork. She called me every name under the sun obviously because i refused to sign the transfer papers.She then made it clear that she would just live in it then and benefit massively by just paying the interest on the mortgage. The mortgage was and still is a buy to let mortgage and as far as i am aware she is in breach of the terms by living in it.After my refusal to sign i did write to the judge who stated that the order was to be followed and that it was a transfer into her sole name no one else was to be added.... i then asked solicitors to advise regarding a sale and what would that entail etc.... to which the answer was that the judge would probably not force a sale due to her having the right to occupy the property under the children's act...not so great!! It would at the very least be an expensive endeavour that might not work in my favour. So i had 3 choices:-Continue fighting.Not continue fighting.Address the situation later. At that point i had spent 20k on trying to get a residence order in my favour, i kinda succeeded in the fact that i had a shared residence order and i had secured more time with my children compared to what was being offered by the ex. At that point there was roughly 30k equity, of which it states in the court order that my share is a percentage of that amount.Considering that i never transferred my equity i am of the opinion that i still own half of the property, which obviously the ex disagrees with. She mentioned last year about selling etc.....hence why this has all surfaced again. I don't see why now i cannot take my share of the equity which is now probably more like 130k so in effect i would be looking at easily 65k. Considering that i have not pursued her for occupational rent for the last ten years (even though she and her partner are in full time employment) i think her paying me my fair share is not a ridiculous offer, considering that occupational rent for the last ten years is in the region of 60k, so i could potentially be asking for 120k. Or am i just being unreasonable expecting to take more then the 12k she is actually offering me?!This is why i consider the original court order is in need of either being set aside, nullified or amended.

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