Custody

if there has been adultery will this affect the custody decision?
I have 2 children girls 9 and 11. I am the father, but I am afraid that being male may work against me.
My wife wants an open relationship. I do not. I think she is going to do it anyway. she even says she is. Do I wait for her to do the deed and then go for divorce or do it now?
I know there are a lot of other issues, but does this count at all?

Adultery makes no difference at all to residence decisions, or to anything else in divorce, to be honest.

It is hard to divorce on grounds of adultery unless you are sure the other person will admit to it. It is better to go for unreasonable behaviour - for example, insisting on an open marriage when you do not want one.

Residency disputes usually come down to who has been the main carer of the children. In many cases, though not all, this has been the woman, which is why women tend to end up being the parent with care. However, you might be able to negotiate with your wife about what happens with the children. At 11, your elder daughter will probably have a view about it too.

It''s better for the children if you don''t have a dispute about it at all, but instead come to an arrangement that is best for the children. This might be living most of the time with one of you and with the other alternate weekends or one or two nights in the week, or it might mean living alternative weeks with each of you. It depends partly on how much you can co-operate and what is best for your circumstances and the children.

Best wishes,
Sadie

Thanks. She says she is going to move to Scotland if I file for divorce.

I will hardly ever see them.
She has family up there and a support network.
I have family in the south and a support network.

The current responsibility is shared as we both work in our joint company from home.
She does do more things with the kids and I do more work, but not that much more. 60 - 40 I would say.

On that basis you could probably argue that the children should stay with you as it would be less disruptive for them not to have to leave schools, friends, etc. If she moves to Scotland she would presumably also not be able to be so flexible as she would need to get a job or set up another business.

If she looks serious about moving to Scotland then you may need to apply for a prohibited steps order to stop her doing so. But it may be all bluster to try to force you to accept an open marriage.

Does she realise that open marriages are open for both parties?

Best wishes,
Sadie

Yes she does realise that.
She is 45 and might be having a mid live crisis. I would be lying if I said I had never thought of it, but that is as far as I have gone.
Personally I think it is very dangerous as either one of us may fall in love. All new and exciting. But for how long.
The kids love scotland. and their cousins - they have horses and the kids are horse mad. They would jump at the chance.
yes she would have to look for a job, but her mother is there and would help with childcare.
I posted a question about taking the kids 500 miles away and it seems that that may not be stoppable.

I appreciate your comments.