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My boys.

  • Shi Tong
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07 Mar 12 #316849 by Shi Tong
Topic started by Shi Tong
Hello everyone,

Some of you may have read some of my stuff on wiki before, but I''ll give you a quick lowdown from the kids perspective and then ask my questions.

Aug 2010 my ex left me with me and the kids at home.

She had shaky contact, no overnights with her until Feb 2011.

She started overnights in feb, but very slowly and she didn''t seem to care too much if they stayed with her or not.

Aug 2011 I''d done nearly all the childcare- her contact with them still unreliable and decided to claim for tax credits and child benefits, seeing as I was doing all the care.

At this point she''d been her usual mildly abusive self.

Following the claim, she started to get very difficult with me over the kids going to see her on the Sunday (contact was sun, mon, tues).

There were many occasions where other things took priority for her (so she didn''t see the kids), so contact was still shaky, but she started to get verbally abusive towards me and the kids if they requested to stay at home; clearly as a symptom of her unreliability and her insistence that they go, regardless of their wishes.

Now the divorce is going through she is very tense. About 4 weeks ago she physically abused me in front of the children, then put their lives at risk, doing something very rash.

I''ve had to call the police twice and got in contact with solicitors, abuse services and social services too. None of them seem to take these instances THAT seriously.

However, and this is part of the question; following the abuse the children got more and more reluctant to go with her.

Because of the abuse, I asked her if we should possibly stop Sunday contact until it was appropriate and the kids were "ok" again. She refused to stop, but with advice from the abuse services I decided a break was in order- a hard decision because I don''t want to be "the parent who stopped contact unnecessarily", I allowed her to pick up from school on Monday because that fits with her schedule, and I felt avoided the Sunday meeting.

3 weeks after the event, my eldest son would get up every night for extra cuddles and reassurance, wet the bed and was very tearful and unexpectedly worried, having nightmares etc.

It stopped at the end of last week, he seemed to settle a lot more.

However, today and tonight he was in a complete state- firstly upon pick up from school he was crying over really trivial stuff. Once at home he got scared to go to the loo on his own, then scared to go to sleep, scared he would have nightmares.

This kind of behaviour I''ve noticed only follows the mental abuse that my ex puts him through; he always bed wets after long stays at hers/ if she says (or shouts) horrible things to him/ when she left.

I''m getting seriously worried about his reactions to all this horrible stuff around him now. I''ve been trying to plead my case to my ex that keeping to schedule and just keeping them both on an even keel should be 1st priority, but she seems to be ignoring that- threatening to take them away and get a residence order.

I''m so scared that he''s hearing these kinds of things while she possibly brags on the phone or something....

Does anyone know what I can do? Anyone I should be contacting? I just want my children to be safe from too much strange changes- especially learning that, not only is my eldest a very lovely sensitive boy, but he could be ASD diagnosed soon- so, for a child like that- extra change is the last thing he needs... :(

Help.... :(Thanks....

  • jonathancj
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15 Mar 12 #318234 by jonathancj
Reply from jonathancj
How old are your children? What area of the country are you in?

  • Shi Tong
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16 Mar 12 #318527 by Shi Tong
Reply from Shi Tong
I live in South East England.

My boys are now 5 and 7. They were 3 and 5 when we first separated.

I''ve been doing their primary caring and most of their stuff for all that time.

They''re also continuing to come home having had no schoolwork done, no bathing, barely fed, barely slept, and all they seem to do there is play computer games- they do all reading, homework and most other things with me.

I guess before she left she was doing about 40% of their care.. ish..


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